The weekend went really well. On the way to where we were going-a 2 hour drive, we had another tough conversation about the A. I asked only a couple more questions because you are right that the more I know the worse it is for me. I did get to say a lot of the things that were eating away at me like I feel the specialness between us is gone and that it is only sex now, not an intimate sharing of love. He says maybe that can come back. He was very tender and compassionate and told me of his own hell he is living right now because of what he has done.
Anyways, we got through that really well and ended very positively and then we got to our destination and walked around a really cool city and found a place to sit and share a bottle of wine by a river and we talked more. Our wedding anniversary is coming up in 2 months - 20 years, and I asked him what he wanted to do and he said, he wanted to surprise me but that he wanted to have a mini wedding ceremony with our very dear priest friend and our very closest friends that we have. He already invited his parents out and had already put a phone call into the priest. That blew me away, because it is perfect. We don't have any money so we can't go anywhere but that is ok. He wants to plan this in our home. I am really excited. He says he is so happy and says it has been very easy to fall in love again, although he says he is not sure he ever fell out of love, he is just very happy that I didn't give up on him.
He really is saying all the right things in my mind and I feel they are sincere, especially when I see his face when we talk about the A. I really want to get past those talks as fast as possible so we can begin the healing of what went wrong in the marriage to cause the A. We actually were very physical this weekend and it was ok. I am a very forgiving person, and I want to get to where I am done asking questions about the A because I just really don't want to know. He said the main thing the OW offered was conversation, and that I have not been interested in talking with him or interested in anything he has done over the last few years. I do think he is right, although-damn-to have an A because he needed conversation??? That is why I don't want to know anymore because it pisses me off really, and it's not the reason for the issues in the marriage and I am more interested in fixing that than getting details about the A.
I think we are on a good path and I am being very positive and trying to talk about everything. He goes out of his way to ask me everyday how i am doing emotionally and says he is glad things are going the way they are. I have asked him if it was hard to cut things off and if he ever feels tempted to call or reach out and he said absolutely not. It really put a new light on her when she called me the other day--I think I told you about that. That's where I am at right now. Sandi I do appreciate everything you tell me and share with me so thank you.
