What to do, what to do?

[LuLu]

M.A. Good luck with Anniversary looming. I've been thinking about it for months. It's so sad isn't it?

Thanks Dusk & Buttercup. Yep, never been to Passion Party but that's just what I'm going to do. It's such a big night for me because my girls have never spent a night away from me but I think we're all ready. I am going to go out and have some child free fun! You know what, I'm not even going to wish him a Happy A unless he brings it up.

Had a bit of a rough day. Not sure what specifically triggered it but let's just say about an hour ago, I was google'ing Separation Agreements. H was here with our d's all day. I was working from home in the am and then left from 1-4:30pm. I think maybe I had too much contact with him today and my expectations were too high.

Strangers treat me better than my own husband. I deserve to have someone actually care about what I have to say, damn it! Just pretend that you're listening at least. He's so fricken rude! Someone please remind me why I am doing this again. Because right now, I'm tired of his sh!t and am feeling done.

H wanted to ML earlier today and I just couldn't go there again. Last time, I felt so used after wards, it just made me sad. Anyway, I told him I couldn't do it and why. Conversation led us down the old R talk. He says he still doesn't know what he wants. I told him he's been saying that for 4 months and that I am finally starting believe him. I was in denial for awhile about it all. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to reconcile from day 1 but he if he didn't feel that way then maybe it was time to move on. He didn't say anything, just continued to watch TV. Nice.

Today, I feel like D may not be such a bad thing. Maybe I am kidding myself about this all. He's got some major baggage. Yes, I love him but he just won't own his cr@p. He's in denial about how any of this effects our children. I don't think he realizes how crazy this all is. He's living in his own little world. His selfish little world. Our girls are young. They won't remember this. He's done this once before and if he doesn't go to IC to fix why he does this then I can guarantee it will happen again. The kids will be older then and more impressionable. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. I just don't know.