Pollyanna, you say that he has to help her but she will reject his help because it comes from him. She's pushing him away again, I can feel it in the text. She is rebelling again. So what brings her back? Love languages? Making positive donations in the shared joint "love" account.
Seriously how does he help her and why does he have to help her?
My concern for SP is exactly what you describe how Mrs SP feels. SP has control and it feels good. He leads the charge in this family dissolution. SP is ptrobably going to disagree with the term lead the charge - but he is as he likes the feeling of control again. He may even enjoy the bantering and the craziness. He certaining engages in it, everyime Mrs SP starts it.
Is SP going through the anger stage and this is blinding him from knowing what he really wants ? He might not feel angry but I think his posts ooze it. Its been a long time since I have heard any of Mrs SP good qualilites. Has SP forgotten them. There has to be many of them. Those qualities that draw us to our partners, dont go, we or our partner can be blinded to them if involved with a third party, or if we are angry .
How does he save Mrs SP? She is a clever and competent person from what we know. Has her last 22 years meant that she has hardened emotionally to protect herself. She may fear admitting ' I f*&^ed up '. Does her job ever allow her to show vulnerability and weakness? I think maybe not from what we know. IF this is the case then it may take SP months of just being there for her , for her to change. He does not have to roll over for her but he could be emotionally available. Reassure her that Miss someone is not that important at this stage ( unless she is ). Slowly work his mojo on her, find the Mrs SP that drew him in the first place. I really believe it is there.
BUT SP may not really want this m and I think now would be a good time to search his soul. Not keep her hanging. I know how she feels. Time may see the more vulnerable MRS SP come out. Time will also mean that if SP decides that he does not want back, them she is going to hurt and none of us here want anyone to go through what we went through.
