Update from today so far. All seems good. Sorry it's long, but want to put it down on a post.
D5's birthday party went well. My stpmom pulled me off to the side to tell me she was "surprised" W had invited her to the party. I told her she should not worry that anything stpmom did would or would not impact my M. Told her just be yourself. Everything will work out one way or the other. She seemed relieved.
SIL and stpmom were themselves during the party and spoke with W like they normally would have.
I helped with the party. Before the party, D and I had a ball filling up balloons with a helium tank. Did this on the back deck just outside the kitchen where W was - window was open so W could hear everything. During the party, I made sure the kids had lemonade and water, brought the cake out, etc. W asked me to do several things - called me by my first name, which still bugs me (before the bomb we called each other by babe/honey/sweetie). I had a chance while talking to stpmom while W was clearly within earshot, to brag on W's recent cake baking and decorating. Not too much, just enough.
Towards the end of the party, had to run S9 to his baseball game, then back to the house to pick up W and D for the game. By the time I got back, all the guests had gone. We hopped in the car and began pulling out of the garage.
W brought up that the party went well AND that SIL and stpmom acted nice - Greek, you were right, W WAS nervous about being around SIL and stpmom. Important thing is W, not me, initiated this discussion. I responded that I thought W had done a great job with the party and the cake and everything. W thanked me and said, "well, you did a lot too." I told her I was happy that SIL and stpmom were nice but that I was not surprised. HERE's THE INTERESTING PART: W says she was not surprised either (right) and that in her "mind, everything is fine."
Now, the interesting part is what she was referring to. I don't think my description can capture this, but it was not clear from W's response whether what she was talking about being "fine" was her R with SIL and stpmom or our M - I have to believe she was talking about her R with SIL and stpmom.
Anyway, we just had more discussion about the party on the way to S's baseball game. At the game, we sat next to each other, and at one point in the game, when S made a great play, W grabbed my right arm with both her hands. While she didn;t leave them there a while, she didn't take them away quickly either. We spoke a lot at the game and had more joking conversation than normal. Continued to talk about how great the party was. Good bit of eye contact too. At one point, it appeared W was cold, so I gave her the pull over I brought in case it rained. She kept it in her lap but did not put it on.
After the game, went to one of our favorite mexican restaurants for fish tacos, which this place does very well. Again, more conversation that was more of a good mood type conversation, not just light, happy type discussion. More joking.
So, while I have posted a lot about our positive, light hearted conversations, today seemed, well, different. Different in a good way. Felt more like a H and W talking happily, not just two friends talking happily. W is going to be baking a chocolate cake for one of the other people at the party today to whom I bragged about her cake skills. I will, of course, hang out in the den (great room really that also contains our kitchen) while she does this.
I think this weekend was a big step for us. A big step for me for sure. Small discussion that touched upon but did not directly deal with the R provided some useful information. She may not be ready to push full force back to our M. But she does not seem to be moving towards D either. Has been over 5 months of the new me. I can keep this up, especially given how high the stakes are.
And another thing I learned today. My love for my W has NOT gone away. It WAS just hibernating. The hint of working on the M from this weekend was enough to help me realize that - more importantly, to feel the emotions and connection I still have to my W. I do love her.
