(((((Jackie))))) Thinking of you and saying prayers.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Well, initial move out is over. He couldn't find anyone to help, so the stuff that is too big for one person is still here. Said he'll come Friday while I'm out. I'm wondering if every time I come home something more will be gone? Pulling the bandaid off very slowly instead of just ripping it off. I did offer to help with the big stuff, but he didn't take me up on my offer.
I told my mom I just want to be alone right now, so she won't be coming up.
Last night he was angry at me, again. Said I gave him the cold shoulder when he came home and I was rude after dinner to go upstairs to work on S7's room (I'm stripping the wall-paper) instead of being downstairs with the three of them playing. Does he think I'm made of stone, I can handle all that? I just looked at him in shock--what has he been doing the past year? Never engaging in conversations, going to different parts of the house, but if I do it, then it is awful. Also said I wasn't supportive enough during the conversation, I should have talked more. Then he told me that he will pay the mortgage only and I should be responsible for some of the bills, not all only him. He doesn't trust me with the check book? I'm the frugal one in the family, he's out buying only LL Bean stuff for the new place while I only have three pants that fit!
I just couldn't believe this is the person I married, all the statements were me-centered statements, I had so many awful thoughts in my head, but I said nothing, it would serve no purpose to point this out to him.
S7 asked him on the phone if he was ever coming back, he said never to him.
Soup said something over on his thread....is it the failure that we are fighting or do we really love them? I'm beginning to wonder.
I feel numb at the moment. Just not sure this is all real.
Don't let your alien get to you. He is not together enough to admit that he is the one that is turning everyone else's lives upsidedown - so he is looking for someone to blame - and who better than you! He cannot handle taking responsibility for his own actions - so he looking for and/or manufacturing reasons for blaming you and to justify his own actions.
As for the love thing - the man you M is the one you love. The alien that he is today isn't too loveable... I suppose we DB to see if the alien leaves and returns the P we M to us. The man he is right now is overwhelmed by his own gunk and incapable of thinking of anyone or anything else beyond himself. Kinda like a drowning man - you have to detach from him otherwise he will pull you down with him.
Your boys probably will cling to their dad for awhile - this must be such a destabilizing and scary time for them too...to see their father moving out. I think they know that you will be there for them - so they can afford to take you for granted - that is actually a testament to their faith in you. You are their rock. Your H's actions are probably causing some serious nervousness for them.
I am glad that your mother is agreeing to give you your space.
I can relate to how you are feeling - numb - stunned that this is actually happening... I know - take care of yourself. Take one moment, one day at a time. And pamper yourself a little extra...
I know this post is all over the place - I hope I have helped...
JAckie....hugs and prayers.......this is the beginning o another journey.....you don't know where it will end, but it will take you to new places..take it all in.....breath in and out........take the time for you to relax.....and yes you would be missed..you have some great kids who need you...I know it is tough right now...take each day
Wish I could hug you in person. You are in my prayers today - all day. The above posts are right on target. You are the easy target for all your H's pain, anger and confusion. His thinking is so clouded and filled with double standards. The actual moving out is horrible, but I promise - the pain will ease. It will just take some time. His being away will also take you out of the direct line of fire, which is a good thing.
Plan some nurturing things for yourself.
Know that you are showing amazing strength - even today. Take baby steps. Breathe. Go on your walk. Know that we are here for you.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Girl, I know how you feel! Been there done that! When I read your post, all those ugly feelings came back!
But look at me, where I'm at! You can do this! Right now he is an alien! But, someday you H will return, he will be forever changed in some ways, but so will you! You will eventually see the "old" H.
Just have patience, It can happen. It's a long hard road, but you have all of us! We will help you through this, hold your hand. Change the parts of you that you don't like, keep the good parts. Only you can make you happy. Work on you, then you can move on to working on M.
Right now, you feel like we all felt. We can tell you, you will be OK no matter what!
Jackie...just thinking about you....hope today was a wee bit brighter then yesterday...keep yourself healthy..don't let this drag ya under..look for the positives in your life...we all have bunchs of htem..they seem to get hidden though during the tough times.
