What do you do when you are doing 180's and she notices and even comments on how "good" you have been but it does not changes how she feels about you? It hurts when positive changes don't seem to have any effect on the S. There is so much to lose by not working this out in yet she does not seem to care? She is still trying to decide what she wants.
It may well be this way for a LONG time. Be prepared to keep working at it so the improvements are permanent. Do this for YOU.
Also remember that that there are Love needs / love languages, and there are "Love Busters" (Harley). The presence of love busters (angry outbursts, criticism, neglect, etc) actively destroys love and prevents it's return, but stopping doesn't make love return (necessary, but not sufficient).
You have to do the 180's to remove the lovebusters, and keep it that way for a long time until your spouse trusts that thet are gone. Then you have to add love languages to rebuild. It's a LONG process.
In my case, for example, I had to stop being critical and angry, let go of a lot of control, start helping out a lot more, etc. I am still working on these. These things alone will not build love, but merely stopp it's destruction.
Afterwards, I have to add back quality time to the R (my w's LL) in order to stard rebuilding the R.
Patience. Things won't change overnight.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
