Are you trying to keep NY off of your list because of last year? Perhaps it would be too painful for those reasons. I think all of us would just love to have the chance to have you on our turf and get a glimpse of a true Greek goddess.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think your lists are funny. However, we all know two things: 1) none of those items would make you love your stbx again and 2) he'd neglect the list and get you something electronic anyway, so there is no point in making a list in the first place.
I think you have every right to be angry and want to hurt him. You've done all the work and you feel like you've sacrificed your own personal happiness for the chance to fix your M. That is completely natural and as this proceeds, your anger will subside and become more disappointment and sadness at what has occured.
Ultimately, you'll come to pity stbx instead of hate him. You'll accept his flaws and come to see that regardless of how much pain he put you through, it was all for the best of you, your future and your children.
You'll always hope for him to "get it" and become healthy and happy, but you'll lose the urge to be w/him again.
It has been said over and over again throughout your now #66 threads, but your main opponent is time. The more time passes, the better you feel, but for now, time can't pass soon enough.
Stbx saying he's trying to "convince you" is also sad. He can't control your thoughts and no amount of "convincing" will help his cause. In fact, the more he tries to "convince" the more you'll resist and will only galvanize your decision to move on w/your life.
Stbx will not get this until he's able to see how he can't go through life trying to control and manipulate people. Until that light goes on in his head, he'll continue down the path.
Again, keep pressing him for the D for your sake so you can move on. He will have 1-year to "change your mind" but until he's forced to act, he'll continue to delay and deny.
Al and BF just left. I dropped them off at the airport and I am getting ready to go out with a GF. They are both well and sweet and fun. I am afraid Ali's bf thinks I am a bitch cause I was teasing her all the time... LOL
Anyway, stbxh came to pick up the kids today and it seems he still h asnt figured out what to do to convince me... He picked up the kids, gave me CS money and left.
My son tried to bring our heads together by hugging us both, we both noticed.
I am ok. K
NY is out for many many reasons. I wish I was there though.
Hey K was reading BBJ's thread and read about a book and found a website. Just read a few things quickly that probably are more a propos to us now that we are seemingly no longer DBing....
I am not saying that these so called self help books are the Bible, however, they do offer some food for thought. The following excerpt brought me back to something we were discussing earlier this week. Hope it helps.........
The No-“I have to have closure” Rule
The first rule about “closure” is to stop saying the word. It’s a meaningless word and is often bandied about as an excuse to stay in touch with the ex. What happens at the end of grieving is best described as “acceptance” or “integration” or “reorganization” but it’s not described as closure. You can’t “get” closure, you can’t insist on closure. Closure happens when you least expect it, when you realize you’ve done your work and moved on, and it happens from inside you.
You don’t’ need to know what your ex thinks or why you ex did a, b, or c to move on. If you want closure you need to do your grief work, integrate the experience into your life and turn the page.
Your “closure” is your responsibility. You get closure by doing your work, not by re-engaging and dredging up more stuff. You get closure by keeping yourself safe, being good to yourself and un-attaching from that which you have been attached.
The only closure you can hope for is the closure that comes from inside you. The person who hurt you cannot give you closure, nor should you want them to or expect them to or give them that kind of power. You need to move on from where you are for you.
Closure is part emotional work and part decision. At some point you need to turn the page and decide it’s over. Closure is your deal and yours alone. When you’ve done the grief work, worked through your inventories and made a decision to move on, that is closure. Closure happens for you and inside you. And only you. You get it from within, never from without.
Thanks John. I will look up her site. When we talked about closure I meant the divorce. I am not expecting HIM to give me closure. It is something I need for myself. I cant get closure with joint bank accounts, his mail coming to my house, his name on the bills (changed some but some need him to change them), driving a car in his name etc etc
I am not using any of these to stay in contact and I am not trying to get over a break-up. K
Did not mean to suggest that everything on her site or even that I pasted above reflect what you are doing or thinking. Just another point of view....another way of looking at things.
Glad you saw Ali again. I was under the impression that they have wandered away to other parts of the country...
I can imagine why you are thinking of NY these days...I have never been there myself but would like to go some day. I have a cousin who moved to SoHo. I still don't know if that stands for something or why they call it soho..She loves it though. Works in some random clothing boutique.
Sorry that your H said he was thinking of ways to convince you and the best he could come up with was CS money...
