Hang in there. I know you are hurting, but you will get through this.
Hey BigJohn. I read all of your post and I'm sorry that you're dealing with the things that you are.
I appreciate your time and your concern too. We have no choice but to get through it. Coach's Stockdale Principle is something that I read several times a day. Hope that it will sink in and begin to help me.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Hey guys. I'm gonna go ahead and get off of Thinker's thread. I'm sorry for the hijack Thinker. I was just looking for some help, and saw some stuff that I could relate to. Thanks to all that have contributed on Thinker's thread to help me. I have my own thread. Good luck to you Thinker. Thank you. And good luck to you all, and thanks to all. Sincerily, antlers
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I don't mind the Hijack at all - it keeps things interesting, and I hope we could help.
I, myself don't have that much to report. 5 days to Retro - assuming we go. We are still having a lot of trouble finding someone to watch the boys on Saturday (all day).
So far a number of options have fallen through.
I started looking into professional options - babysitting agencies, etc. Mrs. Thinker was not at all happy with that idea - "I reaaly don't want a stranger in my house, watching my kids. If that's the case then I'd rather not go.". I didn't say anything in response, but I am going to still follow through with it as a backup plan.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Sitting here in church this morning and a quote from today's gospel reading struck me as relevant to my sitch - particularly to the discussions a month or so re the conflict between Mrs. Thinker and my parents:
Mark 10:2-16
"God made them, male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife."
The rest of the reading harps on the unity of marriage and the wrongness of divorce, but that wasn't my focus.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Thinker i read your thread. Took a couple of days but i did it. I really hope retro will help you out. My wife does not want to go to retro as she feels that our M too is unfixable. She states that our trust is broken beyond repair. I do not believe there is such a thing beyond repair. I have learned one thing. Talk is cheap and mostly ineffective. You want to repair trust? just do it. We are still going to MC and we had a small breakthrough last week. My w waffles back and forth admitting to this. One day she said she felt something, and the next she is back to i don't know what happened. All of this happened because of snooping. Snooping destroys trust. But how do we stop snooping if we are suspicious. You have every right to be suspicious from what i have read. But in my humble opinion you want to repair trust, you have to show your wife you trust her. There will be backslides. SOmeone has to take a leap of faith, which is probably the hardest thing to do with an OM. My wife insists that in order to start over i have to divorce her and if she comes back it was meant to be. I want to let her go, but i do not want a divorce. Ironic.
Everything is so hard. Please let us know how retro works out for you. Looks like it worked well for orich.
Yep, I have. But it means nothing to her. "You are still the same manipulative person that you have always been. You haven't changed and you never will. It's all about you." It's almost like she needs to keep herself convinced of that in order to justify her actions. It seems like she needs to keep hating me to make herself feel better about what she is doing.
That's my worry. No matter how much I improve she's not going to give me a second chance. I know it will help with someone else down the road, but I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive or get over completely if she doesn't give me a second chance.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
"God made them, male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife."
The rest of the reading harps on the unity of marriage and the wrongness of divorce, but that wasn't my focus.
My W was the religious one -- she's the reason we spent three years as Sunday school teachers -- but last year she had a falling out at church and stopped going.
After we split, I joined a different, much larger, church, in part just to meet new people and also to have a place to take my girls. They love the new church and it's helped me tremendously.
My W, I think, has gone once to her mother's church. I wonder if she isn't avoiding it because the Bible puts so much emphasis on marriage and how you shouldn't divorce unless it's extreme circumstances.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Can the children have playdates with their friends on Saturday and have the sitter drop them off and pick them up from the playdates?
Why yes, in fact, that ends up as part of the overall plan
We're all set for next weekend - a complex plan relying on 4 different people.
Friday, 6pm: Sitter1 arrives at our house Friday 7pm: S5 and S7 head to a friends for a sleepover. Sitter 1 spends night at our house with S1 Saturday 7am: Sitter2 arrives. Sitter1 heads off to work. Saturday noonish: Mother-of-Sitter2 replaces Sitter2 for afternoon. Saturday 6pm: Sitter1 (now off of work) picks up S5 and S7, drives to our house, relieves Sitter2 Sitter1 spends night at our house, through Sunday PM when we get home.
So...we're all set.
5 days.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
