Hey K was reading BBJ's thread and read about a book and found a website. Just read a few things quickly that probably are more a propos to us now that we are seemingly no longer DBing....
I am not saying that these so called self help books are the Bible, however, they do offer some food for thought. The following excerpt brought me back to something we were discussing earlier this week. Hope it helps.........
The No-“I have to have closure” Rule
The first rule about “closure” is to stop saying the word. It’s a meaningless word and is often bandied about as an excuse to stay in touch with the ex. What happens at the end of grieving is best described as “acceptance” or “integration” or “reorganization” but it’s not described as closure. You can’t “get” closure, you can’t insist on closure. Closure happens when you least expect it, when you realize you’ve done your work and moved on, and it happens from inside you.
You don’t’ need to know what your ex thinks or why you ex did a, b, or c to move on. If you want closure you need to do your grief work, integrate the experience into your life and turn the page.
Your “closure” is your responsibility. You get closure by doing your work, not by re-engaging and dredging up more stuff. You get closure by keeping yourself safe, being good to yourself and un-attaching from that which you have been attached.
The only closure you can hope for is the closure that comes from inside you. The person who hurt you cannot give you closure, nor should you want them to or expect them to or give them that kind of power. You need to move on from where you are for you.
Closure is part emotional work and part decision. At some point you need to turn the page and decide it’s over. Closure is your deal and yours alone. When you’ve done the grief work, worked through your inventories and made a decision to move on, that is closure. Closure happens for you and inside you. And only you. You get it from within, never from without.
