I last posted back in August. To recap, H and I had a great sex life for the first 5.5 years we were together...then about 2 years ago, it started dwindling. I finally got desperate enough to hang out here.
I mean, what can I do? I don't want to have an affair. The whole thing would just be more trouble than it's worth and end horribly. (I'm speaking from experience - from a past relationship.)
But I need sex more often than once or twice a month. I'm really angry at H for not wanting me.
We talked about it yesterday. There was a time, early in our relationship, when I had to move about 100 miles away for a job, and we saw each other only on weekends. And the weekends were great! Mad sex every Friday, sometimes some on Saturday or Sunday, and we did fun stuff every weekend (went to museums, street festivals, etc.)
Now, we live together, and spend weekends doing boring sh!t like housework and grocery shopping. Thank god we don't have a house with a yard or we'd have to waste precious weekend time on yard work, too. (As an aside - he says from time to time that he wants to buy a house. Well, he's been saying that for a couple of years now, and it's nowhere near happening. I just don't believe him anymore. And frankly, I'm not sure I want a house. Like I said, it will just create more boring, mundane suburban sh!t like yard work.)
What's really frustrating is that he says he loves me, and I believe he does. He even says he finds me sexually attractive and the desire is still there. When we talked yesterday, I brought up how good our relationship was when we didn't live together all the time. He said, the excitement of the early part of a relationship doesn't last forever (that period took place early in the relationship.) But he also said that the desire and the attraction are still there. I said I know the early part doesn't last forever, but I miss sex and romance and the fun we used to have. Then he said we would start doing more of that again.
When people (including H) tell me this line about "the early excitement doesn't last forever" I always feel like I'm being lectured. I feel like what I'm really being told is, "You need to grow up and stop wanting passion and sex and fun. You're immature if you don't think the boring, stable part of the relationship is better." Then I just feel angry and rebellious. I feel like saying, "Fine, then. I'm not doing any housework or any other boring stuff until I get laid."
Of course, in the name of being "mature" and a "good" woman, I don't say any of this. I just shut up and do whatever is next to do (fix dinner, etc.) Yesterday, we had our discussion in the morning (me saying I missed the early part of the relationship, him saying "that doesn't last forever but I still desire you.") A little later, he watched me getting dressed and complimented my body. (I could stand to lose about 25 lbs. BUT I'm in Weight Watchers and it is coming off - I've lost about 11 lbs since July.)
Then during the day, he made a few veiled references to "we might tonight." Now I should add here, he had a miserable cold earlier this week. If he's not feeling good, of course he won't want sex, and I understand that. But when he looks at my body and makes compliments, and then teases me by dropping hints that "maybe tonight" it might happen, wouldn't it be natural for me to think we might have sex?
Not in this relationship, it wouldn't. We ended up going to a movie. Which is nice and fun and all that, but not what I really wanted. Maybe he thought taking me out would be part of "being romantic and having fun."
I'm really feeling angry and hurt. I might as well weigh 200 lbs., smell bad, and never shave my legs, for all the good it does me to look nice. And I know there are times when I look nice. In my job, I have to go to court a lot, and I wear suits and look pretty good. I was getting a lot of admiring glances from men at the courthouse last Friday, and one attorney whom I know slightly even put his arm around my waist just for a nanosecond. He's a good-looking, smart, and funny guy, too. If we weren't both married, I'd do something!
But back to me and H. I'm not optimistic about anything ever changing. This is the pattern - I talk about how I feel. He says he *does* desire me and we *will* do it. We get one quickie. Then two or three or four weeks go by, and the whole cycle starts over again.
I'm really angry and hurt. The kitchen is filthy, but I'm not doing any g.d. housework today. And if H ever dumps me, I am SO moving to a blue state and starting to date sexy attorneys.
