Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[antlers]

Ant, as I am in the middle of this as well, remember, as a really smart person once said in the movie Animal House "it aint over 'till its over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? I dont think so."

Stand tall, I have read many threads from people who were where you are now, who DBed and who navigated this with success. Will success mean you are married? I dont know. I have had to face that reality as well. But I know this, if our marriages don't make it, then as GIMA has said many a time, there is someone out there who needs us more than our WAW. You need to live for today, then tomorrow, then the next day - one day at a time - . I am reading a great book called "The Worry Cure." It helps to address what you are going through which is a chain reaction of worries about possible future events. All you can control is yourself, and the improvements you want to make for yourself. Let her see those changes. In my case, I figure I have once a week to show her the new me, then during the week I will continue to do things the new me wants to do. Being understanding, listening to people, being compassionate, and understanding my Faith on a much deeper level than ever before. But all the while being a man and taking that confident position. For me, each week will be practice time, then the big game is Thursday night which is family night. Don't worry if you dont have a family night, she will have to see you and talk to you about your kids.

In my case she has said the same thing, she only wants a divorce, yada, yada, yada. And you know, she may very well file for one. She may actually get divorced. Will I be sad, sure I will. But even if I see the kids less, I will make that time even more special for us all.

My goal is to never let my WAW see the pitiful old me again. I am still working on that, but when she sees me, I want her to think "Wow, look at that man that was/is my husband. He is the type of person anyone would be proud to call their husband and the father of their children. What the h*** am I doing ?" Will she ever? Who knows.

Check in often and I will your thread as well. I will be thinking about you. Stay busy!

Hi shellshockedga.

When she tells me the stuff she told me on Oct. 1st with the confidence and resoluteness in her voice, and that she filed for divorce on that day...it feels 'over'!

I have DB'd my but off during this separation, and have learned and become stronger and better in many ways. It doesn't feel like I will ever be with someone again who will care about me as much as she once did. I was doing really good, for months, but her decision to go through with divorce has rocked me. I know that I can only control myself. It hurts to think about the things that I've been thinking about since this latest bomb. She hasn't had much opportunity to see and experience my changes because we have spent no time together since she moved out in Feb., but I'm sure she's heard about them from the kids, and noticed a difference when we talked, and when we've been around each other for very short periods of time occasionally. She doesn't acknowledge them, or accept them, or trust them. I have done the work, but sadly, it hasn't been enough to stop her from divorcing me. I've validated, I've apologized, I've accepted responsibility consistently. I've become more compassionate. I understand her hesitancy not to trust me, but I don't understand her decision to go ahead and divorce me?

I am sad. I love my kids, and I wanted her and my family back. That hope has now been taken away from me.

I appreciate you being here shellshockedga, and I appreciate you responding. Thanks. Thank you for your kind thoughts. Good luck to you too.