I am thinking about sending this email - any comments?
"...why is it that our relationship doesn't heal? Just a question to ask yourself? What would it look like and what do you think has to happen? And if your answer begins with changing me - then you are not looking to heal yourself - if are listening at all to what I have been saying on the phone, it is that part of my healing is to ask that i am treated with love, respect, kindness, caring, understanding and a concern that I am living my best life.
This is a request on my part if the relationship is to continue. I would like you to consider how much you are invested in this relationship and how much are you willing to do to save it. Controlling your addiction does make a difference in the type of relationship that we can have - but it is something you did and continue to do for yourself not the relationship. The kids moving forward in their lives is the natural course of life and has nothing to do with our relationship. The point being this, I see these prior issues as decoys for what is really not working in our relationship. Our relationship has been affected by these former factors but the fact that removing them from the relationship itself has not resulted in any improvement.
Neither of us wants to be part of a negative relationship. What makes it so hard to have a positive relationship - and I am asking you to look inward not at me for the answer to that one.
