My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

Good point. I actually knew him fairly well before we actually started "dating" because we had worked together for awhile. As for how he treats his mother--well, everyone ignores her. She barely exists. In 18 years of knowing her, I have yet to have a real conversation with her. So it's kinda hard to judge from that, in this situation. Retrospect is painful for me--there were so many abandonments, including a couple of big ones before we ever got married. I just marvel at my cluelessness. But had we not married, I wouldn't have my wonderful daughter. And no, that's not why folk should get married, but if it's all I have left--it's pretty damn good.

I'm feeling the need, as I do periodically, to write a note of closure to my former inlaws (all of them). I never got to say anything altho I tried to enlist the aid of the ones I was closest to during the very first couple of days of madness. It won't change a thing, but there are just some things I need to say. And if I've lost them anyway (and they are my only family) I feel like I have a right to say what I need to say--such as how much this hurt, how I didn't see it coming, how in spite of all they may have been told it wasn't my idea in the least, how painful it is to lose my nieces and nephews. I've let the urge pass several times in the past, and I'm not sure why. But I feel like I am entitled to speak my truth. Thoughts? Has anyone done this?

[NoCodeBlues]

I can say I have been sorely tempted myself.

In my case, I don't think it will do a bit of good, but still I think about it from time to time.

[hoosiermama]

No, I wouldn't be doing it for any result except perhaps my own closure.

This is one of those days, increasingly occurring, that the loneliness is excruciating. It is so difficult to go for days without any real conversation with anyone except that related to work. Phone calls and emails that I send out go unreplied--I reach out but I don't get any response. I look into the future and I don't see anything getting any better socially or financially and life is just a treadmill. I just don't think I can keep at it. I'm just too tired.

[hoosiermama]

I have the flu and I feel sicker than I have in years. D13 is taking good care of me, but the really frightening thing is that there's no one I can call for help. Isolation is profoundly sad, of course, but the real impact is when there is no one who will even return phone calls or texts. I don't know how I got here--I really don't--and I don't know how to get out. so I think I'll just go back to bed.

[NoCodeBlues]

(((((HM))))))

[hoosiermama]

I tried to call in to work tomorrow, since I'm not at all sure I can make it through a whole day after spending the weekend so sick with the flu. However, my boss told me she needs my paperwork asap, definitely Monday morning, and there was no one to cover me so I really have to come in. Maybe someone could come by the afternoon and help me.

Okay, sure. I'm far less important than my paperwork and paying a registry nurse twice what I make to cover. I'm 53, have a history of asthma, have the flu--and work in public health, where my health is not a concern.

So wtf is the point anyway? My only value is what I do, not who I am. I'm alone and isolated and don't even have someone I can call to go pick up a bottle of ibuprofen for me when I'm too sick to drive. I am invisible, truly. I've just hit the wall.

[Silent Chrleader]

(((((Hoozh))))).

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way!! I too have felt so down all week, so I think it must be something in air!

But, really, you do have value!! Of course you know you do, if only for your beautiful daughter!

I think you need to get "out there". What are you interested it? I have gotten into dancing myself. Yes, it's hard to go in alone, and sometimes I have danced with the little latino woman teacher! But, it is fun, and I have now begun to meet some of the others in the different classes, and I have even gone out a couple times now with them.

So, what do you like? Maybe bowling, or Bingo, or volunteer for a cause you believe it, or learning to plan an instument (although that one doesn't really get you out among people). I know it's hard! I am very much an introvert, although I love people. Anything you can think of to get out there and be among people (especially on a regular basis like a club or activity of some sort so you get to know the people) is a good thing, I think......

Hang in there, honey!!

((((((hugs))))))

[BeingMe]

Nothing worse than being sick while dealing with a dysfunctional life. I am there with you, in spirit. Not much help, especially with the ibuprofen, but know that you are worth far more than the job you have to tolerate for now.

Have you had the pneumonia shot? I think it's more important than the flu shot.

Take care.

[Andabelle]

I hope you are feeling better, both physically and mentally. I wish I lived nearby so I could bring you some ibuprofen and chocolate chip cookies.

[theoden]

Hoosier,

Ouch...