Sorry for butting in on the thread - but I think Greek and GIMA are both right. The WAS does seem (at least in my sitch) to act out in an emotionally driven way - and that includes what Greek said about feelings of hopelessness, fear of lack of change, etc. We LBS's also need to feel compassion for these fluxuating emotions. I agree they can seem irrational and moody - but can't we also love them and have empathy for those mixed feelings?
For me, it's my own hurt that sometimes stands in the way of feeling compassion for my H. I get stubborn like - "hey I'm hurting too but I'm not yelling at you all the time about it." and "Just because you're hurting doesn't mean you should walk away". ETC. Ok, these are my feelings. But I need to see past my emotions to have compassion for H's - to see his pain that has been brewing. To try to see what he feels underneath the irrational behavior (anyone who follows my sitch knows he's been extremely irrational). To be sensitive to him in the ways I wasn't before. Sure, it may be too late. But this is still the best path to also let him go: with compassion.
It's really hard to feel the compassion for their feelings when they are acting out from those emotions by hurting us and our children. It's almost unbearable sometimes. But isn't love a choice?
