The Thread With No Home

[mockers2]

Hooray, Jackie!!!!!

You sound so good today. (((((Jackie)))) Sound like you are doing a great job in keeping things even at home. "Even" seems like a good spot to me - you aren;t happy he's moving, but you are remaining calm through this rough patch, which shows enormous strength.

Just a few thoughts....everyone posted such great viewpoints - I am constantly amazed at the folks on this bb.

Your mom's questions are valid, but in my limited experience - yes, before I found DR, I asked my H most of the questions your mother has. In return, I got fury. One of my friends said to me that confronting my H with reality would cause him to become angry b/c that's what he's running from. I think your gut instinct while you were talking to your mom not to put your H on the phone is important to pay attention to. Will your mom respect your wishes that she not speak to yuor H about this? My own mom never would have repected mine b/c she wouldn't have been able to control her anger.

The idea that Nik mentioned about her mother seeing her H as lost is good in several ways. First, I have to agree that your mom is amazing, Nik! Thinking of your H in this way, Jackie, will help, I think. The same friend I mentioned above kept saying this about my H, and it helps me see him with kinder eyes, which helps diffuse some of my anger. It also helps to think that part of the reason he made some of the choices he made was because he was (?still is??) hurting tremendously. I'm not excusing his treatment of you or endorsing his way of dealing with his pain, but looking at his decisions as those made by someone in alot of pain may help???

In some ways I think it might be good for me, to see what I'm made of.

I have found this to be true, in my situation. Not that I'm endorsing S as a good way to learn about yourself, this just seems to be a blessing that has come out of the pain. I think you are already seeing what you are made of, what strength you have.

Isn't it amazing the strength that God gives us???!!!

Nik, you are so right!!!!

Nik is right too about having weekly time for Jackie. This is so important! Have you gotten any peppermint foot lotion yet? I'm not a big peppermint fan, and I promise - it's wonderful!

I think flylady fits right in with what's going on. Taking care of yourself. Visualizing your home as a safe harbor for yourself and your family, including your H. (Maybe we could meet at a flyfest sometime! )

Hang in there, Jackie. You are doing such a terrific job. (((((Jackie))))))) Getting out from under the covers is a baby step in itself.