Wow, what a great way to get different viewpoints and looking at things in ways I had not thought about. I have told my mother that she can't be mean to H, her questions are things such as, will you consider getting help, what about your vows, What about the boys, all very legitimate questions, but now that you have all weighed in, I'm looking at them differently. She is still in the angry phase. I think she is coming from the angle that if he hasn't told his parents, than possibly he is hedging and she can talk some "sense" into him. But, as many of you pointed out, it could also push him out the door.
Floyd, I keep repeating that to myself, will a talk from my mother get me closer to my goals? When she called on Friday to talk to him, he wasn't home and when he got home I did not tell her (we were still on the phone) as I wasn't sure about the whole thing. Maybe my instincts were correct to not have them talk.
Mockers & Sue, I keep repeating what the two of you have said about a S being think time, not the ideal, of course, but not all bad. That is helping me get through this. In some ways I think it might be good for me, to see what I'm made of. Mockers, small goals would be good for me, I tend to think in an all or nothing matter. I need to get moving and get some stuff done. Starting a control journal to get the house in order!
Manisha, You are right, his actions are very incosistent for a person leaving in one week. I think I have remained calm, not happy, but things are even here at home and I have not once brought up that he is leaving next Wednesday, though it is on my mind all the time. I never thought of his anger as a way to shift his focus from other emotions he is feeling, I think that is very true. Explains things, as well. I wonder if talking with mom would polarize things. I don't know if she can remain calm, or if she would shift to that angry mode. I suspect the later, so why risk it?
Nik, I don't think my mom is at the place where she can speak to H with love. Your mom sounds amazing and very kind. I think I need to get that across to my mother. I said the other day that I feel sorry for H, and she said don't you dare feel that way. I guess that gives some insight into where she is at.
Hi Pam!
Will, nice to see you around. Good question, one I need to ponder, What can I do to make my 1/2 of the R better. Probably is time to break out the DR book, refresher course is always needed and things have changed substantially around here.
Thanks all for boosting my spirits. I'm working on goals, gotta get out from under the covers and live life.
