I feel like sh*t. I was H's wife, the mother of my kids and basically the matriarch of my family...and now, I am...flailing.
How am I back at what is being taken from me?
You are at the bottom of the roller coaster right now. I was there Wednesday night for some weird reason and unfortunately I think that'll hit me again this weekend.
I was the king of a cool family in a great neighborhood. Money was good. Kids are healthy. Retirement is on track. The future laid in front of us. We just had to walk it together.
Now, I'm thinking about how to handle Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. What it will be like to sit apart when our daughters graduate high school.
One thing that's helped a little when that emotional pain hits is to look at how far you've already come.
Easier said than done.
And remember that at some point the WAW will have to take a hard look at himself/herself. The stats on D aren't good. No one wins and your WAS will have pain.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I was the king of a cool family in a great neighborhood. Money was good. Kids are healthy. Retirement is on track. The future laid in front of us. We just had to walk it together.
Now, I'm thinking about how to handle Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. What it will be like to sit apart when our daughters graduate high school.
Awwww, made me cry a little.
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
The killer is that i get okay...but I cave in. And I know from really listening or reading his correspondence that he is in pain, he is hurting.
He turned on me in our recent conversation and I wanted to freak out and I just asked him what hurt? what caused him to lash out like that?
Unfortunately it was basically that he feels like even with his GF, I am being negative (implying she could conceivably break up with him) and I am like his mom and why can't I just not get entangled and enmeshed...
Well, helllooooo stalker man.
anyway, i said that i am willing to talk to him and hear him but I can't hear about her or be compared.
and that I need him to see me as I am (which obviously can't happen while he's got her).
Obviously there was more and it was disturbing and crass and he typed in all caps "I NEED HELP"...and I suggested not discuss our R or his GF or any decisions until he gets that help.
He did many years of therapy with a regular therapist...he needs miracle worker. And so do I (left a message last night).
Despite the fact that H called to apologize and calmly acknowledge how twisted his behavior has been, today when he came to pick up the kids I felt disgust. He tried to rub my back and then poked me here and there and I just moved away. He asked me if I was ok. "Fine"...but I really don't want him touching me.
I know!! But I'm so well trained here that I know I'm not apathetic and I know that means I've still got some kinda horse in the race! But ewe, gross...really. Dammit.
Uh, is it bad that I want to take H's money, buy myself some lingerie, let someone rip it off of me, f*ck the sh*t out of that someone and send a video of it to H??
I am impressed with how strong you are, especially dealing with adultry/infidelity like you have had to do. Has anyone filed for divorce in your situation? If so, how long has it been?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Nope. No filing. And the truth was only revealed a few days ago...up until then it was kind alluded to. Even now, I don't know what is really going on with OW. I mean, he is really struggling to step out of his connection with me and his role within our family.
Honestly, I realized today that I am traumatized (used loosely but literally) and that I probably should not be dating anyone.
However, I am going on a date tonight. Therapist tomorrow.
H says he is messed up and wants help. We shall see. I can't get into the whole story but we had a moment with S9 that was so precious and really melted us together...it is just a sad story of two wounded people who don't know how to feel okay with each other anymore...
I know from reading on here and from watching my friends that the paper divorce means little and the emotional divorce is the hardest part. That is why I don't focus so much on it. The marriage is dead, the connection is not.
