Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[Changes]

Iwant...I just wanted to say you are a trooper. This isnt easy to start with and as the D train approaches it seems to get much more crazy. keep your head up for that little girl. My kids keep me focused and happy and I am sure yours do for you.

[iwantittowork]

Thanks for the thoughts Changes.

I am just exhausted today of this whole thing. I am the only one trying to keep my M together, and it gets to drag on you after a while. I have been running on empty for months now..

My whole family tells me I should have left months ago, my C says I should look to get out so I can move on, L says to get out and take what I can so I don't get taken for everything. WAW can't wait for me to get out so she can move on with her life..

Somedays I am surprised I still think my M is worth saving with a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

[iwantittowork]

Well, mediation rescheduled for Monday..

Now, how to not dwell on that for the entire weekend..

This D train sucks, I want to get off at the next stop!! :O)

[iwantittowork]

I am not doing well today, I have to say I am REALLY not liking my WAW right now. The entitlement and selfishness and just utter lack of respect is really getting to me this AM.

I am going to start packing my room up today, and maybe that is contributing as well, but I need to maneuver through this.

The coming Monday mediation is not helping as well.

I am reacting to what she is doing because we are still close proximity I think. I am detaching but still being close to her at times makes that difficult.

[iwantittowork]

Boy, I am just struggling! WAW comes home and is dancing around the house, and in a great mood.

She can see the end for her near, and is so happy for herself.

How do you let this stuff not bother you! I am trying to focus on my d8 and me, and I know I am just feeling rejected, but man..

I don't want to be the resentful LBS that wishes nothing but bad things for WAW, I am trying hard to allow these feelings to come and go..

What will it take for me to get through this!

[iwantittowork]

Man, so my WAW is out tonight at who knows where, and pathetic me is waiting up to see if she comes home.

How sad is that?

I'd like to think I can maintain strength and honor, and be compassionate to WAW. I hope she is OK out there, and I am sure she is, but not knowing what is happening with her is damn tough.

[givingitmyall]

Man, so my WAW is out tonight at who knows where, and pathetic me is waiting up to see if she comes home.

How sad is that?

Very. I know you miss her and are worried about her, but, why are you doing this? Go to bed (or go watch TV in the back) before she gets home. Turn off the lights and lock up. Let her come home to a house that is turned in for the night.

You are (a) making yourself miserable and (b) making yourself look desperate. You should not be up when she gets home. You don't care.

I'd like to think I can maintain strength and honor, and be compassionate to WAW. I hope she is OK out there, and I am sure she is, but not knowing what is happening with her is damn tough.

Compassion sometimes is tough love. You do what is right, b/c it is right for you. She does NOT need to have the impression you are waiting on her for anything. Give her the impression you are living your life with or without her.

[iwantittowork]

I know gima, I am actually turning in, house is all closed up for night.

How to not care when you do care is my problem....

[givingitmyall]

Don't think it's about not caring. It's about accepting your current sitch, and begin ok with wherever it goes. Not happy if it goes somewhere you don't want, but ok.

I am not blaming you for feeling the way you do. You feel that way b/c you care. But, right now, you have to show tough love, and that's hard.

But you can do it.

[iwantittowork]

My sitch is just so damn bleak..

I was packing my stuff from our room today, getting ready for mediation monday..

WAW was litteraly dancing in the house earlier she was so happy, now she is out doing who knows what..

I know I can't say a word to her about what she is doing or where she is tonight..

When does this madness end? I want my life back for me, I can't do this anymore.

Wished I could be like her and not have any feelings left...