Well Being Me, Whatis is ending his experiment with AD's! Two days of feeling like a piece of crap is enough for me. This afternoon I was feeling so wasted I didn't think I could go out for dinner with STBX and the kids, I felt terrible about it and rather anxious. Finally, I phoned STBX and asked if I could come over to talk. Today is a special day for the Chinese and she had wanted to take us all out for dinner. When I got there I told her what was happening and how I was feeling. She listened for an hour and was very caring. I told her that I felt like I was letting my family down if I didn't go. I told her "I love you and the kids, you're my family" and she replied "we love you too and you're not letting us down if you don't come. Certainly, the girls and I will feel disappointed because we love you and want you to be there, but if you can't, that's OK" We discussed the anxiety I have been feeling ever since that damn virus hit me four months ago (the virus has been gone for a few weeks now, thank goodness) and she said "Whatis, you're used to getting A's and now that you're getting a B you don't know how to handle it. During our separation and the few years before that I couldn't believe how well you handled things. I could never ever have done as well as you. Now you've hit a bit of a bump in the road you're not sure what to do." She also said "I know you feel bad now but keep in mind that that feeling is just today, tomorrow will be different". She also told me that I was taking too much responsibility for my friends situations and, get this, taking on too many activities...this from the activity queen of all time! I told her how scared I was sometimes and had a good cry. She also suggested, and I agreed, that I stop the AD's. I was doing OK without them, in fact, getting a lot better but I decided the AD's might speed my recovery. Forget it! The last thing I need is something else to make me tired and that won't even help for three weeks. Re the dinner we decided that she would come pick the kids up at my place and if I was coming we could take two cars so that if I needed to leave the restaurant early I could. So we all went out to dinner and had a wonderful evening laughing, talking and eating together. We were a family!
