@robx: So we fix our marital problems by no longer have expectations, is this the answer - so we go back to unconditional love but it's unconditional love with alot of "but's" ;-)
No, I'm starting to think it's closer to what I wrote above -- namely, that expectations need to be defined at the outset and then reassessed and redefined as the marriage and the individuals in the marriage evolve:
So what does that mean here? It means, among other things IMO, that there needs to be clearly defined discussions of couples' expectations before marriage and, probably, that married couples need to make recurring discussions of expectations (since these presumably evolve as one's status, age, living situation evolves) throughout the marriage.
This ought to be common-sense -- we do it in business all the time, don't we? Let's get the team together for a meeting and see where we're at on the McGillicutty Account.
But we seem -- societally, I mean -- to believe somehow that marriage is supposed to be ... self-sustaining.
...What's needed, perhaps, is less romance and more board-of-directors meetings....
