so does this all boil down to unrealistic expectations on both parts?
As for JonF putting investing more time & energy into his kids and why he didn't do that before and if it was possible to do it before. It was physically possible, however the reason for that action after the bomb, the bomb itself was the catalyst which got him into that action. Without that, there was no reason to change, human nature dictates we don't normally change what we do if it's comfortable & commonplace, we usually only change when we have to change, to adapt to something new. Change just for change sake usually doesn't happen much - I could be wrong but that seems to be it.
So we fix our marital problems by no longer have expectations, is this the answer - so we go back to unconditional love but it's unconditional love with alot of "but's" ;-)
"...I'll love you unconditionally but I can't be with you if you're having a physical & emotional affair with someone else", unconditional still sounds conditional to me. Is it bad to have ocnditions? Doesn't respect require boundaries? Sounds like conditions? Can you love without respect? Sounds like more conditions. Don't we have expectations & conditions with friends outside of our marriages? - that's how we trust them, we know we can trust them and have good times with them otherwise we probably wouldn't be friends with them or be close with them.
