My sitch...long but please indulge me

[billclay18]

The "being good to myself" thing is tough for me. I always sacrificed things I may have wanted so W and the kids didn't have to. Not playing the martyr here...I'm just a very simple man who has all he needs. My W actually used to get on me about that...wanted me to treat myself every now and then.

Old Style!!! A Chicago staple but possibly the worst beer ever. Try the beef and tell them to make it "wet" (dip it in the juice)...see if they know what that means.

Being a Cubs fan is the worst R I've ever had...they break my heart every year, I swear them off...then spring training rolls around and they suck me back in. Sad thing is my D's a bigger fan than me and I hate the thought of her having her heart broken for the next 40 yrs!

I wouldn't trust a guy that doesn't like football...it's just not right.

I may be able to get serious about a man who didn't watch football but I would not be able to live with someone who wanted me to give it up in favor of other activities.

Does your BF have any idea how lucky he is? These are the words of an angel sent from football heaven !

P.S. Started the "Nuts" book...60 pages in so far.

[pearlharbr]

We did ask about getting the Italian beef wet, the waitress didn't know what we were talking about but once we explained she said the kitchen would do it. That turned BF off, having to explain. The pizza is just so darn good that we keep getting it. Yes, BF drinks Old Style for the nostalgia factor.

It's sad that D11 will have her heart broken but she's definitely learning about loyalty in the face of disappointment. It's the same for me (though not on the same level) growing up a Seattle sports fan.

Does your BF have any idea how lucky he is? These are the words of an angel sent from football heaven !

I keep telling him that and have been telling him that since the beginning! He's probably tired of hearing it by now.

Seriously, when I first moved back to SEA from SF I went to a sports bar to watch the Niners. A guy came up to me and started chatting and all I could think was, "Dude, I'm watching my game. Go away." BF knows/knew that one of my criteria for a bf is watching NFL since the one before him was only into college ball and that just doesn't do it for me.

[billclay18]

I think it's hard to justify because you seem to be handling things so well already...

This statement made me think...why am I handling this so well?

Here's my conclusion:

1. I wasn't completely surprised by this. My W was unhappy for a while and try as I did, there was nothing I could do about it.

2. Unlike most folks on this site, I've been thru this before. It sucks and it's painful, but I know I'll get past it, move on and be happy...regardless of the outcome.

3. Other than struggling to pay the mortgage, there are no financial ramifications for me.

4. We have no kids together, so there are no custody issues. Although I love and miss my stepD's, they're old enough to decide for themselves what, if any, relationship they want to have with me.

5. If the D does happen...once it's over, it's over. My W will no longer be a part of my life any way, shape or form unless I want her to be.

[pearlharbr]

I think #2 is the biggest factor. I think most people here (myself included) are/were so terrified of life without that partner. Once you lose that fear it's much easier to deal. Not that it makes the sitch is any less difficult.

I think it's great that you're not operating from fear.

The only drawback I can see is that you may not be pushing yourself on the self improvement things because you already know that you will make it through this. That's why I've been harping on the GAL activities, reading, etc.

[billclay18]

The only drawback I can see is that you may not be pushing yourself on the self improvement things because you already know that you will make it through this. That's why I've been harping on the GAL activities, reading, etc.

Guilty as charged!

[pearlharbr]

So don't be a slacker!

Well, be a slacker tomorrow since it is football Sunday.

But after that get on it!

[billclay18]

I want to take you up on that offer to gmail you. Something I want to discuss off site.

[RedSoxFan]

The only drawback I can see is that you may not be pushing yourself on the self improvement things because you already know that you will make it through this.

I have grown as a person more than I could have ever imagined during my sitch. So either I've made it past the hurt enough to know I'm going to be OK and/or I've gone back to my old self and started stiffing the emotional stuff and tucking it away...still trying to figure it out. So I'm not sure if I'm also guilty as charged. Hmmmm

[pearlharbr]

Just send gmail to pearlharbr...

[billclay18]

I think I reached an epiphany last night. Someone asked me a question that put my whole sitch in perspective. The question was simple and the answer even more simple. "Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?" My answer..."I don't".

I've decided it's time to take control of my life and move forward with the D. We have no children together, so no custody issues. A few minor financial issues. I have nothing to lose but my W and she's already gone.

The only questioning still weighing on my mind is why she isn't pushing the D. That's the $1mil question.