The Thread With No Home

[mockers2]

Good morning, Jackie ~

((((Jackie))))

I think you're handling things very well. Have to run to work, but just a few quick things -

Sorry to hear about your experience with your pastor. We had a similar experience with our priest - won't go into details, but basically I no longer trust him at all (my H confided in him just after he moved out and it wasn't helpful.) Maybe there is another pastor nearby who you would feel more comfortable with. Don't know what faith you are, but in or town there are counselling services available through the Catholic church. I haven't heard anything about them, though, from anyone who has been there.

I know that comments from your sons hurt. The minute my H got home, he has been all our children have wanted, which is understandable, since he's been gone, but it still hurts to hear that they want their daddy to stay with them and want mommy to go to work. Try to depersonalize this too, although it's tough. I think they also are showing that they feel confortable expressing themselves with you. They know you're there for them.

You are doing great relating to your H. Letting him knoe he could stay and asserting that you can make your own decisions. I think it's also good that your H can separate his anger at your sister form anger at you. And that he can see how she could have such anger at him. Also, asking him about initiating sex was considerate and shows him that you are thinking of his feelings. I also think it's important that he said you've been a saint through all this. Because you have been. It's good that he can see this through the fog.

Maybe when you're feeling a little more steady, come up with some goals for you and the children? Not pushing, just an idea.

Hope today is better. ((((Jackie))))

Hope your little one is better soon.

P.S. I dreamed night before last that you, holdingon and I were at some sort of arts festival! Pretty funny. My bb friends are on my mind!

[optimist]

Good morning, Jackie.

I also had a bad experience with my pastor. Actually more like a no experience (tried to go talk to him in the wake of the bomb and was told he'd have time for me IN THREE WEEKS). Turned me off my parish for the time being.

Why don't you contact the Retrouvaille people in your area (you can e-mail them through their web site) and ask for a referral to a pastor? You can keep going to your regular church for your kids and get your own spiritual counselor through any other parish or congregation.

As to the kids. They do say the darnest things. My D4 once told me very seriously: 'Mom, you are going to have to marry Dad again, so that I can have a little brother'

[mockers2]

Great idea, Optimist, about the retrovaille group!

[Floyd101]

Jackie,

Kids just dont understand. I know it hurts when they say things like that. My son has made several comments that have hurt my feelings. One thing you have to remember...The children see you as a parent, and your H as a friend. You are the one that diciplines them, makes sure the homework is done etc, etc. I am assuming that your H doesn't do much of that.

Right now your kids like dad. They only see the fun side of dad, like a friend. It might not be very comforting, but they will appreciate you someday. I'm not too far removed from the time that I "figured it out" and gained a whole lot of respect for my parents.

I also whitnessed this watching a cousin of mine grow up. She is 16 now. Her dad left when she was a baby. He moved to Florida shortly there after. She only saw him once a year when her mother would take a vacation and take her to see her daddy. He never paid a dime of child support and never made any attempt to get together with his daughter. While growing up, she was all about daddy, and I could see how it hurt my aunt. Now that she is more mature, she realizes what has been going on, and she doesn't care too much for him anymore. It's sad that HE caused his own daughter to feel this way about him.

They will appreciate you Jackie.

[optimist]

Remember also that your children are going to feel left behind by their Dad. And you will be the one there for them. I am not making myself clear, I know, but what I mean is...

OK, an example. My D was always calling for Daddy and saying she missed him and even said a couple of 'I love Daddy, not you's. But when she is sick, or needs something or something is important to her and needs to share: she turns to me.

It is a normal reaction to seek the father that left them (guess what: we seek the H that left us until we read DR and get smart). But it is you they really need and your PMA they will reflect.

Of course that only adds yet another stone or two to your load

As I told Zoo earlier today: life is NOT fair.

Lots of hugs

[psluke]

Hi Jackie,

I hope you are doing alright today. I haven't seen you around on the BB today.

Hope that means you and the boys are doing something fun.

{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}

[psluke]

Hi Jackie,

Just sending a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

and some nice thoughts your way today.

[mockers2]

Hi Jackie ~ Just thinking of you. I've tried to forward some emails and have gotten some back. Hopefully you've gotten some of them. (((((Jackie)))))

Hi Jackie:

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you too!

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there and take care,
Manisha

[Dagny]

Thanks all for the support. I have just been in one of those funks where all I want to do is sleep and pull the covers over my head, and I have been doing that.

H has been coming home early of late, when I say something, oh your home early, he gets mad at me, I'm trying to be home earlier, don't make a big deal of it, I just don't know what the point is. He leaves 11/5, so why bother now? Ugh. Tons of LLBean stuff are arriving for the new place. I hate to see the cc bill when it comes.

His parents were up this weekend for s7 soccer game. H didn't say anything to them and I didn't force it.

I haven't said boo about the R, his moving out, or anything. We just kind of tip toe around each other and have no meaningful conversations. My mother called to speak to him, he has not called her back. She has a list of legitimate questions for him and he is willing to talk to her. Should be interesting.

Jackie