Birthday "date" continued (the "racy" stuff is at the end of the novella)......
H was distracted and cranky for the first 40-50 minutes of the evening. It took about 45-60 minutes to begin loosening him up.
I had a bouquet of long-stemmed copper colored roses on the dining room table for him to see when he arrived. He didn’t comment. Don’t know if he noticed.
Topics of conversation:
His mom, who moved out of her home 1 ˝ weeks ago has had several episodes in which she demanded to move home to her old house. Understandable but nerve-wracking for him, I’m sure.
I had visited his mother earlier that week with my cat in tow. H said that his mother really enjoyed the visit from us. He said “She can’t remember much but she told me all about cat’s visit…..how cat had a really cool cat carrier (I showed him her new cat carrier: faux black leather with white cat cartoons on the side and lined with fake leopard fur). He laughed and said “Mom wants one of those.”
Touched on how my work ethic is something that I learned in my family of origin. That it took the seismic shift caused by his departure to shake me out of this pattern, and that I was very happy that that happened because I’m much happier in my life now.
H at one point said he thought he had been so busy with work for the past year (in this regard our roles have completely reversed----I play and he works all the time now) because of God. When I questioned him about what he meant he inferred that he thought God had made him so busy to show him why I had worked so much when we were together. Me: “You don’t really think that I took your mojo, do you?” H: “No, I don’t think that you are responsible for my work schedule.” Me: “You’re the president, the big boss. You call the shots. You are in control. You can make your schedule whatever you want.” H: Shrugged shoulders.
I talked about how my clinic work is great because I don’t do the boring stuff, I deal with very interesting psych issues that patients have, but I have very little “on call” time. Said I chose my profession because I was married to a med student when I made the decision. I thought that if I became a doctor I would be “on call” for the rest of my life. I didn’t want that (I said that largely because I knew OW was a doctor). He looked very interested and said that my work sounded very interesting.
I told H that I had become more spiritual over the past year. He looked interested.
I pulled out travel brochures of Greece (Jody suggested this) and told H I had gotten these because I was thinking about taking a trip to Greece (this is a place I know H would like to visit). H said that his monthly expenses were such that he didn’t feel like he could afford a vacation (looked annoyed by this). He said he paid too much for his house. I said “Do you mean the purchase price….or everything that you’ve put into it?” He said, “Everything. The sales price and what I’ve put into it.”…..so it seems that in spite of me allowing H to call most of the shots over the past 12 months H is still not happy. He seems depressed (he was pretty manic-y when he left 1 year ago. Thought leaving me would make him happy.) Wonder if H has figured out that I was not the major source of his unhappiness yet????? Happiness comes from within.
H asked “What have you been doing lately?” H asked me about my involvement in the cycling club. I told him I had been thinking that going for a hot air balloon ride would be really fun this fall. H sounded very interested.
I had my camera and pulled it out to show him photos of (this gave the visual impact of my GALing): • visit with my cat to his mother’s new apartment last weekend • cat in her Halloween costume • my trip to DC 2 weeks ago. • Rascal Flatts concert. We were very close to the stage • Bike trail I rode a few weeks ago. He said “that looks nice”.
Throughout the M, H had often asked me to wear clothes that showed off the girls… Mid evening I said to H: “So how is this cleavage doing? Is this a good amount to show?” H: “yes, it’s good.” Me: “….because I’m not used to showing the girls like this and I’m not really sure what looks good. Should I be doing something else with them?” H: “No. That looks JUST fine.” Me: “How would you know? I haven’t seen you look at them?” (then I gestured with 2 fingers (the ‘peace sign’ fingers) toward my eyes and then pointed to HIS eyes, making the point that we had been looking each other in the eyes, so how could he be checking out the girls?) H: “What makes you think I haven’t looked at them?”
Throughout evening I kept stroking my hair, slowly ate my food off my fork using tongue, slowly ate bread and then licked the sun-dried tomato butter off my fingers, and circled the top of my wine glass with my finger. Chose my seat initially so H could watch me walk to and from the ladies room (LOVED that suggestion Lost Rabbit!). I swayed my hips walking to the ladies room …..but on my return I was bummed that H was talking on his cell phone about work stuff and didn’t look up, however, I DID manage to get a head turn from one of the men sitting at the next table (atta girl!). Irritated, but not a quitter, I decided that when H left to go to restroom I would be standing, bent over (slightly arched back) looking into my purse when H returned to table with my derriere pointed toward him (I must have stood in this position for about 5 minutes. I’m sure the people at the next table were wondering what the heck I was looking for in there.)
H has always been a cool cookie this way. One of the things I loved about him was that when we were together I never saw him looking at other women. 6 years ago when we began our relationship it initially turned romantic after he made a half-hearted attempt at a goodnight kiss on a date and I turned back on my way out of the car to kiss him back. THAT kiss lasted an hour and a half ---- we always remembered that ‘kiss’ fondly (sitting in a convertible, top down, on a warm September evening under a clear starry sky with a canopy of trees overhead…..in front of my house, putting on a show for the neighbors. ☺ ). • We both talked about it during our “date” thursday, both appearing wistful with the memory. This makes me wonder, if I need to make the first move, like on our early dates……..but haven’t I done that by flirting with him?????? The flirting is my “something new” with him, I’ve validated for 10 months with him, very platonically, and this has helped inch us forward in microscopic steps. With D-day approaching I thought I would try something different. Time will tell how this worked.
I told H that since he had spent so much on dinner for me I would make him a nice dinner sometime if he wanted. He said, “yeah, with a REALLY expensive bottle of wine (implying that I should spend a lot on my dinner too.)
If anyone has managed to make it to the end of this tome I would be curious about your feedback.
