Yes I will make the best of the weekend - W left town with D15 overnight so it is me and the 3 boys.

My mistake this past week was focusing on OM (again), and letting it get to me after my trip. Talking about OM gets me nowhere, but I always feel like I need to make it known that it is wrong when I suspect he is lurking.

On the other hand, if I just act 'as if' like I have done as much as possible it doesn't seem to move the needle either with her. The only time there is any kind of movement is when I practice the judo technique of giving in to her fantasy of leaving and just telling her I won't stand in the way and argue.

Today she said she agrees to work more so that she can move out and afford a place of her own. I told her OK, but in the meantime lets try to make the situation around the house as good for the kids as possible until she goes. We have 4 birthdays (hers is one) over next 6 weeks followed by the holidays (our 20th wedding anniversary is in 3 weeks as well which will be a non-event).

Whether she follows through and leaves or not is a question, but I know it is her deal and I can't influence one way or the other. Letting her go completely is the only thing left here. She won't let go of OM and I have tried to be the 'better option' but haven't been successful. I know I am the better option but maybe haven't done the best job demonstrating it, and it is hard to compete with the fantasy world of the OM. I need to move on with my life and start planning for the days being without her if that comes to pass.

I know I will be OK in the end even though there are many tough days ahead of me, but I am much more concerned for the 'innocent victims' in all this - our kids. W said this morning: "I want to separate but when I look at the kids it breaks my heart." Yep, so true.


Last edited by tryingtilDorR; 10/03/09 06:13 PM.
ME/XW:47
S21, D19, S15, S14
M:21 T:26
W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12
W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline