For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[LuLu]

So glad you are going to get out a bit. It's definitely a great start.

My H gave me the ILYBINILWY line and then just flat out I don't love you anymore and often. He was threatening to leave over and over. He was drinking a lot and was depressed. He would be loud at night, argue with me, I would ask him to keep his voice down because the kids were sleeping and I would get, "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!" He wasn't easy to get along with to say the least. It really started wearing me down. I finally agreed with him. I have some regrets about calling him on his bluff but in retrospect it really was needed. We truly needed a break.

Just keep doing the 180's. They really are for you, a major by product is that he will notice the changes. You would be surprised how just a little bit of contact could have a big impression. Think about the spouses that 180 with no kids in the picture and have success. The only reason he never sees fun Court is because you're not being fun Court.

Think about what you could have done differently with all the contact you had with him last week (even while going NC). Remember the phone calls, texts, him coming to see dd. Now think about you doing all of those things with a huge smile and a little extra bounce in your step. It all counts. You have more contact with him than you think.

You're having a hard time bringing fun Court back because you are angry, hurt and feel like he should be the one making the effort. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. You really need to start doing more things for you. Pick up some new hobbies, start cooking different things, do things for yourself, anthing, manicures, pedicures, look great everyday, exercise more, yoga, meditation. Keep reading and re-reading the list of 180's until you can almost recite them. Start living it.