The hardest thing to remember is this =- It's not about you. I know the feeling - "If he loved me how could he treat me this way?" and the answer is "It's not about me." He's not rejecting you. He's rejecting his own feelings, his own anger, hurt, resentment that he can't express to you. I know it hurts and you are being very mature to have compassion for him and forgive him. This will get you through the miles of patience you will need and sounds like you have within you. But you can't make a blind man see. If he is temporarily blind because of the overwhelming power of his own pain, you can't make him see it. You can't make him feel what he is driven to escape. Sounds like he's running fast from you and his responsiblity to his M because you represent being real and facing the pain.
But none of this is your issue. You need to take care of yourself and not feel to blame.
I don't know what to suggest in MC> Be prepared that he goes off on D talk and hold on to yourself. Let yourself know that when he says this he is running from his responsibilities, not you.
I'd say let him vent. Let him get it out. Then try to bring the conversation around to more realistic issues - his feelings, your feelings, what he needs, what you need, what's gone wrong, what needs change - Just ignore the D talk like they are false threats. Don't give them the power he wants them to. Call his bluff.
THis has worked for me, when I can do it. It's hard and nobody is saying you should or can easily do what I'm suggesting. Just take it with a grain of salt but if you stay calm and open, perhaps you can steer him there too.
