Quote: Anger (mine) will not get me anywhere. It will cause more problems. That doesn't mean I can't say what I think, but I can't say it through anger and hope that it will be understood.
Logic doesn't work. He is not thinking rationally. His embarassment and shame in himself is manifested as anger towards me.
As Rob say, it is a no-win situation and since I can't win, I need not try to please him. I need to do things that please me and the boys and do what I can to get through the day. I have to remember he is not rational, this isn't personal, I'm not that bad a person, he is just going through a really rough time.
When their anger is misguided like this, respond by Killing them with kindness! ... and validate with the inclusion of "I" statements that what you do is without any contempt ... "I sorry you feel disappointed in me, but I'm attempting to handle this the best I can with what I've been dealt with!" In fact each time he tries to redirect his anger at you make it your stance each time, " I'm sorry if you feel I'm coming up short with how I'm handling this, but I'm trying my best at it." In essence that's what DBing is all about ... doing your best ... if he or anyone else is OK that ... GREAT! ... if not, that's their issue and you need to be fine with that! If you achieve that level of satisfaction with your actions than you have won!
Of course, being human means there will be times where you can't control your reactions to remain kind ... then make space ... if you're in his presence, walk away ... if he is on the phone, say you will need to talk to him later and find a release to vent ... come here ... or go into woods and scream.
