Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[antlers]

No matter what your wife says or does, she is not nearly as confident about this decision as you imagine.

My advice to you is only speak when spoken to - about the children. Do NOT reach out to her for anything. Just leave her to her decision while you start making a life for yourself.

My wife seems very confident of her decision to file for divorce, and divorce me.

She has told me that she no longer wants any contact at all between us except that regarding the kids.


ps - sorry for the hijack, just reading and saw some stuff that I could relate to.

[Greek]

I'm not telling you she doesn't know what her reasons are. But the certainty that she is making the right decision, no, my friend... it just ain't that easy. No matter what she says.

Today is a gorgeous day, Ant. What are you going to do for yourself today?

Cheers ~
Greek

[antlers]

I'm not telling you she doesn't know what her reasons are. But the certainty that she is making the right decision, no, my friend... it just ain't that easy. No matter what she says.

Today is a gorgeous day, Ant. What are you going to do for yourself today?

Cheers ~
Greek

Hi Greek.

I appreciate you, especially, for being here and responding to me. She sounds very confident and resolute. She is convinced she is making the right decision for her, and that confidence is perceptible in conversation with her. She says she wants 'closure'. She has cut off any communication at all with me, except that regarding the kids. She filed on Oct. 1. I have an appt. for Tuesday to talk with, and hire, an attorney.

Today is nice here too. I'm working in the ER today. I get off at 7p then I'll go to my folks and watch the OU-Miami game. My little kids will be there because thay are spending the night with grandma because their mother and our oldest daughter are doing a breast awareness Zumba thing in the city. My son is really looking forward to he and I being together and watching the game. Me too.


ps - thanks again...I really need it right now, especially! I'm hurting like I haven't done in many months.

[Greek]

So here's what you do for Today. You don't think about how confident she may or may not be, or what she wants, or anything she says. Instead, Today is all about what Ant believes about HIMSELF, what Ant wants and what Ant is Doing.

The other thing I suggest is to help someone - above what you would normally do. Give of your good fine heart to someone who clearly needs it. Working in the ER, there is bound to be one opp after the other to do this. Look for a way to go beyond - into the extraordinary - to give. It doesn't have to be big - b/c we All know how far a little thing can go in a time of need. Do that and chalk one up for Ant. Let those loving opps accumulate and over time you will see how much you have to offer, how appreciated you are, and how much Living there is to do.

Turn this leaf over...just for today. Don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. You need to heal.

Cheers ~
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Excellent advice!

[tristan]

Turn this leaf over...just for today. Don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. You need to heal.

Greek & Coach.

When I read the wisdom you put forth in these pages I wonder how in the world did you two ever grow apart. I think I know the answer to that, but I just wanted to let you both know how much I appreciate your posts. Its wonderful to see both sides.

[antlers]

So here's what you do for Today. You don't think about how confident she may or may not be, or what she wants, or anything she says. Instead, Today is all about what Ant believes about HIMSELF, what Ant wants and what Ant is Doing.

The other thing I suggest is to help someone - above what you would normally do. Give of your good fine heart to someone who clearly needs it. Working in the ER, there is bound to be one opp after the other to do this. Look for a way to go beyond - into the extraordinary - to give. It doesn't have to be big - b/c we All know how far a little thing can go in a time of need. Do that and chalk one up for Ant. Let those loving opps accumulate and over time you will see how much you have to offer, how appreciated you are, and how much Living there is to do.

Turn this leaf over...just for today. Don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. You need to heal.

Cheers ~
Greek

It seems to me that you are encouraging me to be more compassionate...to myself and to others. Above and beyond what I normally am. For today.

I do need to heal.


ps - thank you

[antlers]

You need to heal.

I want to...but,how do I do that now? I just got hit with a new, more powerful bomb. The realization that I won't be given a chance is hitting me very hard, the realization that my family will stay broken and shattered apart hurts badly, and the realization that we are going to go through all of the horrible legal proceedings is just plain awful. I'll never get to love and care for the woman that I wanted to spend my life with as husband and wife.

[shellshockedga]

Ant, as I am in the middle of this as well, remember, as a really smart person once said in the movie Animal House "it aint over 'till its over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? I dont think so."

Stand tall, I have read many threads from people who were where you are now, who DBed and who navigated this with success. Will success mean you are married? I dont know. I have had to face that reality as well. But I know this, if our marriages don't make it, then as GIMA has said many a time, there is someone out there who needs us more than our WAW. You need to live for today, then tomorrow, then the next day - one day at a time - . I am reading a great book called "The Worry Cure." It helps to address what you are going through which is a chain reaction of worries about possible future events. All you can control is yourself, and the improvements you want to make for yourself. Let her see those changes. In my case, I figure I have once a week to show her the new me, then during the week I will continue to do things the new me wants to do. Being understanding, listening to people, being compassionate, and understanding my Faith on a much deeper level than ever before. But all the while being a man and taking that confident position. For me, each week will be practice time, then the big game is Thursday night which is family night. Don't worry if you dont have a family night, she will have to see you and talk to you about your kids.

In my case she has said the same thing, she only wants a divorce, yada, yada, yada. And you know, she may very well file for one. She may actually get divorced. Will I be sad, sure I will. But even if I see the kids less, I will make that time even more special for us all.

My goal is to never let my WAW see the pitiful old me again. I am still working on that, but when she sees me, I want her to think "Wow, look at that man that was/is my husband. He is the type of person anyone would be proud to call their husband and the father of their children. What the h*** am I doing ?" Will she ever? Who knows.

Check in often and I will your thread as well. I will be thinking about you. Stay busy!

[shellshockedga]

So Greek and Sandi, great advice for me. I just powerwashed the front walkway and intend to make the house look a little nicer on the outside (pinestraw, maybe some plants etc..) No need for the place to look a wreck!

But inside I am having some trouble determing what if any changes I could make to add a bit of "my own flair." Even if she moves forward and files, It will take a LONG time to sell our house. Any ideas of areas that a WAW might notice? I thought about painting over the nasty wallpaper in our hallway bathroom to spice it up. ?????