Went to S's football game this morning. She has been pleasant all morning, but on the way to the game, I came to a 5 way stop intersection. I evidently "missed my turn to go" in the sequence - was early and not much coffee at that point - and W said, "don't know which way we will go now since youhaven't moved." And yes, it pi$$ed me off.
But, I bit my tongue and acted happy. Not a morning ruiner, but its this type of smart a$$ comment she makes that HAS GOT TO CHANGE.
Looking back, I wish I had said something at the time along the lines of "I don't like it when you talk to me that way." So, Coach, I know I should have brought it up. Just missed the opportunity.
IMHO I don't think you missed your chance. I think it's better to talk about these things later. In the moment I think people are less receptive. I say, sit down and say something calmly and see if she is open to it.
IMHO I don't think you missed your chance. I think it's better to talk about these things later. In the moment I think people are less receptive. I say, sit down and say something calmly and see if she is open to it.
Remind her. That's why you should bring up. So she knows that the LBS has feelings and issues too. She isn't perfect and still needs to treat you with respect. She won't stop doing what she isn't conscious of and she won't be conscious of it unless you bring it up.
D5"s birthday party is tomorrow. My step-mother and SIL are coming and they have not spoken with W since the bomb. At Coach's suggestion that I have a small R talk, I broached the subject tonight while grilling dinner.
I asked W if she was comfortable with SIL and step-mother coming to the party tomorrow. She said she had not talked to them in "6 months." W said she was "fine" to be around them. She asked if they had any problem being around her and whether SIL said anything at the game S and I went to with my brother and SIL last night. I said no. I told her I do not talk to SIL or step-mother very much either and that I didn't think they would have a problem being around her. But, I just wanted to be sure it would be ok for W since it could be awkward for her, SIL and step-mother, "given the current situation." I told W I was sure they would be nice to her and there would not be a problem. And they will be polite. W said she was going to be so busy she wouldn't have time to be awkward.
I did hope she would launch into where we stand. But, that didn't happen. No sweat.
W did not seem angry or hurt or pull back tonight. If anything, I have been a bit quiet. W spoke to me throughout the night, made jokes.
At one point, she thanked me for cooking dinner as I was walking down the hallway while she was in teh kitchen- I faintly heard her but she did not know I did. A few minutes later, I came back into the kitchen, and she thanked me again, thinking I had not heard her the first time.
So, I spoent most of the evening vacuuming, dusting and helping straighten the house for D's party tomorrow.
So, what to make of the mini R discussion, which I don't think it was. But, she had an opportunity to slam the door on any reconciliation talk, and she didn't. And come to think of it, the problem is, I don't know what our "current situation" even is. Does she?
Oddly, I was not nervous to discuss what we did.
Part of me is a little angry she didn't bring up our R. Is she scared to discuss it?
My guess is she'd def. scared to talk about it. But looking at the positive - she didn't shut you down. Remember BABY STEPS!!
OK, let's play this out, hypothetically. Why would she be scared to talk about this?
It's the acknowledgment of the "current situation" but choosing not to alk about it at all that has me perplexed. If she felt pressure from me bringing this up, I would expect to get push back and/or pull back. I got neither.
So, in all probability, one would think it is more likely she hasn't made up her mind, but, at a minimum, she is not dead set on D right now. That could explain why she didn't bring it up - she doesn't know what to say. B/c she still doesn't know what she wants - D or R.
And, yes, I know this is pure mindreading. But it is interesting.
It won't change what I am doing. I plan to be a big help with the party tomorrow and enjoy my little girl's party. She's going to have a ball.
At Coach's suggestion that I have a small R talk, I broached the subject tonight while grilling dinner.
That guy.
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I asked W if she was comfortable with SIL and step-mother coming to the party tomorrow. She said she had not talked to them in "6 months." W said she was "fine" to be around them.
Beware of "fine". Don't know about Mrs. GIMA but for me, when I said "fine", I meant, "I want to be fine; I might be fine; I might not be fine and it's vague enough that if I'm not fine, I can crawdad on it." Fine might only mean 'fine' if it turns out to be fine. Down with that??? But 'fine' presents GIMA with an opp. Throughout the event that Mrs. GIMA is ... fine with, check in with her. Have her back. Be her friend at the party. Show her and everyone who you are With. I would EAT THAT UP.
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She asked if they had any problem being around her and whether SIL said anything at the game S and I went to with my brother and SIL last night. I said no.
See? She's worried about this.
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I told W I was sure they would be nice to her and there would not be a problem. And they will be polite. W said she was going to be so busy she wouldn't have time to be awkward.
And if they misbehave, you know what to do...right?
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At one point, she thanked me for cooking dinner as I was walking down the hallway while she was in teh kitchen- I faintly heard her but she did not know I did. A few minutes later, I came back into the kitchen, and she thanked me again, thinking I had not heard her the first time.
She cares.
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So, I spoent most of the evening vacuuming, dusting and helping straighten the house for D's party tomorrow.
You care.
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So, what to make of the mini R discussion, which I don't think it was. But, she had an opportunity to slam the door on any reconciliation talk, and she didn't. And come to think of it, the problem is, I don't know what our "current situation" even is. Does she?
Probably not. She is probably cautious. Scared. Doesn't want to make a mistake. Sounds like you, too.
FYI, both of our sons are at LSU. That's what all of the worship and taunting was about
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
FYI, both of our sons are at LSU. That's what all of the worship and taunting was about
Yes, I know. "That Guy" and I have traded some communications on that, mostly the result of my S9 currently struggling with a heinous sickness - he THINKS he's a Gator fan, God help us!!
Thank you for your insight. And yes, I think W and I are both cautious (too cautious?) and worried we will make a mistake. I expect that from me, but it is nice to see it from her - shows she's worried about the R - why worry about losing it if you don't WANT it, or at least think you might want it.
My step-mother and SIL will be on their best behaviour. I think they are mostly concerned with saying or doing something that they fear would hurt my M. I have told them they do NOT need to worry about that. The M will either make it or not based on MY and W's actions and feelings. But, I know what to do if they get out of line.
I will help a bunch and check in on W throughout.
And yes, I do care. I do still love her, very much.
