She didn't say a word about it. I wonder if she really read the whole book or simply gave up on it.
Don't ask her about it. If she wanted to discuss it, she would probably not slipped it in the drawer. She'll bring it up if she decides to express her POV.
Your fatigue is caused from you constantly watching the temp of the MR. That is one reason you are having feelings at times of moving on to a new life. In some ways, you want to be the WAS b/c this M is geting too dang hard! It isn't pleasant anymore and there sure isn't much love spread around, right? But, it is all your exhusted emotions that have you pulled down. In spite of you trying as hard as you can to detach.....and even convince yourself that you are.....until you stop feeling the strain from the R, then you are not detached.
Let me tell you how I know. B/c in the beginning of the breakdown of my MR, I would notice who said good-by, hello, or goodnight first. I kept a gauge on all of these things and it burned inside my guts.....just like it is you! But, when I pulled away, then I didn't really care anymore. That is the part you have to kind of watch out for if you plan to stand for the M, b/c you can reach that point of no return if you detach enough. At least that is what some have said their experience has been. I know it was difficult for me to try to get back into that habit again.....b/c my H waited for me to be the one to make the first move and it got pretty tiring to me.....but I understood his reason. My point is, when I was in that detaced mode.....it didn't bother me. Who cared? I was involved in my own world. Sounds selfish and you don't want to get to the place I was, but neither do you want every little move she makes affect you the way it is doing right now. You are actually counting down the days to leave for the retreat. I understand, but it is very hard on you mentally, physically and emotionally. You don't want to be too sick to go when the time finally gets here. Maybe you need to retreat to the bedroom first for a few nights so you can try to rest.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
