Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[25yearsmlc]

I echo Kerry's statements. THere are more success stories than you might know due to what happens when your marriage is restored. I mean, Coming here to post isn't as productive when you need to BE with your returned spouse. And when you GAL with your activities, as I said to K4, don't care about what SHE thinks of the activity. That's half the point, doing something that makes it clear that it's for YOU, and not her. If you care what SHE thinks of your acitivty, it misses the point. Better yet, do something she has NO interest in. KWIM?

But seriously, it's a matter of will and strength now. I think you KNOW in your head that you MUST detach. You're smart enough not to be paralyzed by fears in part b/c you know what you are doing now is SOOO NOT working anyway.

Definitely re-read the posts you have gotten in the past. I'm enclosing part of something Sandi wrote that so applies now, as it did then.

Good luck and here are some words FROM the "acclaimed" sandi.....from sometime in the past, to YOU....

Look Stuck.....you are one of my "favorites" here on the board. I think you give excellent advise to other people. If only you could step outside your own stitch and see it as a by-stander can, then you would see it differently. But you are so emotionally "driven" that you can't be objective. I know you "think" you are detaching, but you aren't, sweetie. IMHO, you are simply trying too hard to make this work! Does that make sense? You notice every little move she makes. You hang onto each word she says and you analyze everything and worry over it. When a person truly drops the rope.......he will not worry about what is said and done. He doesn't speak first in hopes that she will speak back to him (like when you told her good-bye and she didn't answer you back.....it upset you). You may not realize this Stuck, but in a way....you were subconsciously "pursuing". Do you know why? B/c you were trying to pressure her to respond to your departure. When she did not respond.....your emotions took over and it controlled you all the way to your job. How can you consentrate on your work when this is weighing on your mind? It's not good.

Let me try to give a huge example of what "dropping the rope" would be like here:
Quote:
The thing that set it off this morning was that she told me that she didn't love me anymore and didn't want to work on the M.


Okay....that is hard to listen to, right? It hurts like a knife. However, if you were really...really dropping the rope on her.....you would have quietly walked away from her and not said anything or reacted in any way. You could have shook your head as if in "pity" of her and went to work and let it slide off your back. Now that is truly "dropping the rope" in thought process! You see, it must come from deep within yourself. You can pretend until the cows come home....but if it is not from down deep in your soul....it will not work for you. I know you are "trying" as hard as you know how and that is what breaks my heart. It is easy for me to sit here and say, "Stuck, you just haven't detached enough", and it is quite another for you to be able to reach that mental place of actually "doing it". ......

Rude? No! Don't be rude.......just act as if you don't care. There is a difference and she will detect it. If it comes from deep within you, then you will feel peace and be able to show your......."indifference". I don't know another word at the moment to describe the attitude.

Anyway, I will leave this with you and pray that you can reach that place. You are a strong man, Stuck. She needs to see that self-assured man who doesn't need her anymore.

Take care,
Sandi

She said this better than I can, but I agree with it all. So now, do what you gotta do.

Sometimes you just do your best -and leave the results up to God. What else can you do? NOTHING...but waste time trying to get something you cannot have anymore--past dreams. Create a new life with what you Do have and you'll find yourself leading a rich life. TRUST.