Tough situation trying to detach. Especially when you see your wife all the time. But you know that you have to just let her go for now, but still be working together as parents. The more space you give her the better. And if she wants to have R talks, then let her lead those. But you must try as hard as you can to not ask her for a temperature of her feelings about the marriage.
Even though I was the one to divorce my wife, there are some similarities I read in your threads. My W's OM was also nearly twice her age. She felt trapped in our marriage like a wild animal. She insisted that she could never love me again. She felt I was too controlling because I thought it inappropriate for her to date other men. I kept doing R talks and trying to ask her how she felt. I actually think she changed back to how she was before we met - a spoiled selfish brat. Over a period of time of her treating me like dirt and going against my wishes (ie. introducing kids to OM and kissing in front of the kids), I lost any love I had for her.
But, she was wrong about never getting the feelings of loving me back. Right before the D was final, she had a change of heart and wanted another chance with me. Even now, as she is getting close to getting married with the OM, I hear she wont change her last name (mine) to his because she still holds dear feelings for me. I think it is highly likely that your W can have a re-awakening of love for you, but it will take time and much patience on your part.
My personal opinion is that if you want her still as your wife, you will not date. This is not fair to the person you would date. Period. And you know that.
My only other advice is for you to read back through your posts and responses as a review of how you should be handling yourself. There has been some excellent advice given to you. Also, consider how you would advise your own self given what you know now.
Just know that there are people that have had their marriages happily restored. GForce is one that got all the way up to 1 day before the D was final and his W had a change of heart. And now he is expecting their first child with her in December and together they have a brand new home. I have my fingers crossed that you will be one of those rare happily ever after cases.
