Today though, she called to tell me that D14's counselor wanted her to know that she had finally made a 'breakthrough' and was talking about her anger about this whole situation. WAW thought this was good because D14 would start healing and be able to accept the divorce better. She just doesn't get it.
To most parents, that would be very good news.
Why do you suppose that isn't the case with you?
And what exactly is it that you think Lorie doesn't get this time?
"To most parents this would be very good news" is way off base. I don't know how you drew the conclusion that I DON'T think that's good news, but you are wrong. I guess I need to give more details to keep you from judging me as uncaring.
It IS good news that D14 is making emotional progress. I am glad for that and at her counselors request we are setting it up so she can see her counselor twice a week now to help her open up even more. She really likes her counselor a lot.
WAW thinks that the 'good news' is that D14 is making progress towards "accepting the divorce". But that is her selfish view of the situation. In reality D14 is making progress accepting and dealing with her suppressed ANGER towards WAW.
How do I know this? Because yesterday D14 told WAW that she had a dream where D14 KILLED her, and it scared her to think that she would dream that.
What WAW doesn't get, and this is because both D14 and D18 tell me this, is that they have huge resentments against her for what she has done. The affairs, breaking up the family, treating them like girlfriends instead of parenting them and hardly ever listening or accepting their points of view, instead choosing to tell them what to do when she should be listening, or taking their feelings as criticism and getting defensive with her own children.
D18 says she can "take mom in small doses because they fight a lot". I asked her why and she just says "Mom never respects my feelings". D14 yells at her on the phone and shows her no respect, constantly trying to cut her off and hanging up on her. She NEVER does that to me. Ever.
I say nothing negative and do not bad mouth her to them. I listen and validate their feelings as ok without putting her down. I do not ask them about her, they just vent to me sometimes.
They treat me with respect and I treat them the same. The past few weeks my relationship with them both has improved by leaps and bounds. I had a "double header" yesterday where I spent part of the day with D14 and part of the evening with D18. Just talking and being close.
Friday night is usually "Girls night" with WAW and D14, where they have dinner and a movie. Tonight D14 chose to spend it with me. I reminded her that it was girls night and she said that she didn't feel like hanging with her mom.
There is a lot going on right now and I hope this helps you and others see the progress that is happening here. WAW still thinks everything is about 'accepting the divorce'. Both girls have told me they just want it over and accept that it is. Most of the issues today are in their relationships with their mother.
Our relationships are healing because I AM a parent and I AM respectful. I do NOT put myself and my feelings ahead of theirs. Ever.
