I don't think you are bi-polar at all. I believe you will experience several different types of emotions while you are going through all of this bad stuff. Don't be so hard on yourself. You beat yourself up b/c you are having human emotions that are very normal under the circumstances you are in at this time.
If anyone can be shocked by their own thoughts or actions.....I am that person! I'm so glad you feel that you can come here to vent. When you are feeling weak and need a place to go....this is it. Good for you. Now, put that club down and give yourself a break.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
