Infidelity

[sandi2]

I'm glad you responded. I don't say what I do to discourage you, but more to "challenge" your thinking. As a woman, I totally get what you are saying about the sex.....I really do. But, as a almost WAW who was involved with OM, I also know how important it is for you to be able to forgive everything about his A. God does not teach us to pick & choose what we forgive and what part we won't let go.

I know you are struggling with all of this. If I didn't understand that and want to help you, then I would not be here talking to you as if I were your best friend (I hope). I believe a real friend tells us what we need to know and not what we want to hear. So if I use a 2x4, it really is not to be mean spirited.

I remember you telling about the dinner when he came back, but I wondered if something else had transpired. I can't really afford to find "fault" with either of you to try to reconcile b/c of the love & concern you have for your children. In my own stitch, my LBH did not do anything that worked to get me to stay. (However, his attitude toward me after I stayed, was what made the big difference.) My decision was based on my convictions and the fact that I could not walk away from my family. I knew I would have to give up everything if I were to live the "other" life I was thinking about. So, I do understand. However, I am concerned that the two of you need healing that you've not had time to do. Especially in the bedroom. This is the part that is eating away at your heart and it will continue to do that until you can find a way to be free of its power over your thoughts and you have peace. I would suggest that you talk with your Pastor/Priest or a counselor.....some professional. I believe "time" is a great healer, but when it comes to intimacy, it "can" be a killer. So, I want to encourage you to not let this go too long before you try to seek help. Talking with your H "may" help, I don't know. He did offer to answer any questions. However, getting those answers may make matters worse for you, IDK.

I've heard stories of how A's often do not go near as well as they had imagined. I am talking about the sex, of course. I've heard that the experience would not be what they thought it would, etc. But, I think what you are saying is just the fact that he was with her (even if it was bad) has caused you to feel that it has spoiled what was special between you. It would be easy to tell you to just get over it, but I know it doesn't work like that.

I hope that this weekend will go well for the two of you. I'll be anxious to hear how you are doing.

Take care,
Sandi