Ok, just talking to myself... just what I was afraid of happened last night. H said he felt I was distant from him wanted to know if it was true. I admitted it - reminded him that I didn't want to jump back into our relationship the same way as before b/c it always ends up where it is now. Thought we should do something different. I also thought that some of it was my feeling sad and missing my kids. So,now he is mad b/c I am not available to him in the same way as before... he started the ole "well if you need time and space then we can cancel our plans for the weekend and try again next weekend". Now I was hurt - same S*** different day. He admitted his intention was to do something good as usual and it is coming out all wrong. Said it was late for him and he was tired so he thought it best not to continue the discussion and hangup on a good note instead of a bad one. (in what universe is it ending on a positive note?) Anyway, I couldn't get to sleep most of the night upset. In the morning he calls to say he can come over but his sense was that I was depressed about the kids and not missing him at all. I corrected his "deafness" and reminded him that I told him I was upset that I lost both the kids and him last month. I am alone for the first time in 27 years! I think that is a major adjustment! I also reminded him that I could use a "friend" to talk to and he is all I have - but his response was that he didn't want to talk about the kids - he wanted me to want to be with him and not be depressed. Later he started an argument over - angry that I didn't talk to him about missing the kids - angry that he doesn't want to talk about them - resents that I don't call him to talk when upset - but doesn't get that he doesn't want to listen. (round to round we go) So I said, well you have your stuff to resolve with you, and I have my stuff to resolve with me, which means that we can't be there for each other right now - therefore - you can keep on arguing and upsetting us both more - or you can choose to be silent and stay close to each other. Reponse - fine I will be silent!
