I don't see anything fundamentally incompatible between love-and-compassion and calling bat-sh*t-crazy, bat-sh*t-crazy. (in my house we call this Bronze Swimming Certificate behavior, but that's an obscure britcom reference). There can be a liberation to calling a spade a spade, at least to yourself and your support system. As long as you don't ensconce yourself on the moral high ground and reduce WAS to nothing *more* than Bronze Swimming Certificate.
Dunno. I don't think it means nothing when your spouse reveals deep wounds to you; I think it means a lot. Ultimately, though, how can that be enough? I certainly wouldn't want to go forward without some sense that they were gritting through and trying to access their inner strength, too, as well as their inner pain. Honesty, even if brutal, can be a good thing to contribute to a relationship, but if that's all you're bringing emotionally .... that's just not good enough.
Would I shut the door? Don't think so. But I don't know that I'd go out into the yard and drag (in this case) her twitching near-corpse onto the rug to keep bleeding there either. She's just not the only one hurting here, and frankly, unless she can articulate that in a big-girl way -- NOT just with reference to how guilty it makes her feel -- she's not ready to come back.
IMHO. Even less reliable than usual.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
