Question

[awest1217]

Don't worry I don't have any expectations. Actually my expectations if for H to not follow through as has happened always in the past and me continue on with my path. I am just so happy because I am finally taking care of me and S instead of worrying about what H will think. I am having fun, making plans, relaxing, and moving on.

Over the last day, I have been thinking do I even want H back knowing that H still wants to be just friends with OW. I know if they do this nothing will change besides his location because of Monday, but who knows, maybe he will surprise me.

No expectations, just going with what I think is best for me and S, if H wants to come along, that is up to him.

[LolaL]

I think that is the best attitude to have. Once you get in that mind frame, it does make dealing with the situation a lot easier. Sometimes it is easier said than done.

I would make a requirement of NC w/ OW if you do decide to reconcile. That would just be a huge NO NO...

[Kalni]

And I have to say since we tried to reconcile but H kept "close" contact with OW, that NC should be a strict requirement. Non negotiable.
K

[rinserepeat]

just dropping by with my 2cents. I agree with the NC w/ ow requirement.
Whatever you feed grows. Let him mourn for the loss of that "friendship", that's understandable. But if he's in contact, then he's giving it energy. It places you in a demoralizing position. He'd be leaving both doors open and whoever makes him feel better about himself wins. Not acceptable.

[ClingingToHope]

I'm glad you called the L. You deserve much better than you are getting. What did he/she tell you?

Thanks for your note on my thread. Today is an "up" day for me. This weekend I have my girls and I'm going to really, really try to focus 100 percent on them and not worry about what the W is doing.

There's a fun thing going on at church and we're going to see "It's Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs." Other than that, we're a little limited because D10 is recovering from bronchitis.

Another thing I think will help me in the detaching area is that school nights where I have them I won't need to take them to W's in the morning. D10 can get on bus at a stop near the apartment with a friend and I can drive D7 to school -- which she likes better than the bus anyway.

I hate having to go over to the house the mornings I have the girls.

[awest1217]

I agree with you all, and I had said a while ago that he could still be "friends", but now I think that is a no go because I AM NOT going to complete. It is either me or her. Thank you all so much! Just writing has been great, but hearing from people who have gone or going through the same thing helps so much. I have gotten so much stronger in the past month. Yea everything still hurts, and I still cry at times when there are memories, but I am finally getting on with my life, and it feels good because I have dealt with this type of situation for years while we were dating, engaged and now married, but I am at peace and really feel free!

[lonelywolf]

Sounds like you've got the right attitude (as far as I can tell). You are right though - as long as there's someone else, just "being friends" likely will not cut it.

[ClingingToHope]

I have two wonderful daughters but would have liked to have had a son. What I just can't get is walking away from a 2-year-old. He's missing so many firsts. Some day he's going to regret everything he's done. You can take that to the bank.

Mine are 7 and 10 so I've experienced a lot of the firsts, but it tears me up to think I may be the second to learn about them getting asked to homecoming, the first real date, etc.

[ClingingToHope]

Awest, are you a Facebooker?

[awest1217]

yeah i am a facebooker. I am on a lot which is how H gets some information although not a lot. H does say all the time how he hates how he has missed so much with S, but then he chooses to not call or check in or even ask to see him. That is what I don't get, H has never once asked to see S alone. H has never asked to take S anywhere or do something special just the two of them. I had to ask this summer if he would go do "firsts" like the zoo or beach, and one time he said yes the other no.

I would never be able to handle not seeing my son for a whole day. When I go to the therapist or have to be away for even a few hours, it kills me, but I am learning I need so me time even from my S.

I don't see the lawyer until Monday so I will see then what she says.

Clinging - have a great weekend with your daughters. Focus on them and have fun! It wasn't until I finally started focusing on me and S that I finally had a truly fun day and that was Tuesday. It is hard and Wednesday I almost started crying a lot, but I am doing better all the time. Hang in there.