Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[Greek]

@Greek: I'm just going to have to gulp and say this. You sound Cold.

I am cold. Right now I'm colder than a well-digger's arse.

Your wife is in life altering pain. She shows this to you. You come back with 'she's on the crazy train.'

You mean the way I was? When I was told, "Just get over it"? "Too little, too late"? "I have no feelings for you"?

Oh, come one, ignore 100% of what the WAS says, right? It's spew, right?

So why is the rule any different just because the content changes?

I don't advocate ignoring anything your wife says. It all has value as you discern and decipher.

And incidentally "crazy train" is her construction -- she's the one who said, "Okay, I'm getting off the crazy train now." A week ago.

My bad. I got that confused with 'bat sh!t crazy'.

Her fears are:

Today. These are today's fears. They weren't yesterday's. They weren't 6 months' ago's. They weren't D-Day's. They're today's. How do I know they won't change tomorrow?

Especially when I get this (unresponded to, btw) in the in-box yesterday: In fact I plan to find someone to bl*w tonight, and I have just enough anger in me to bl*w it right off.

I never said she doesn't behave badly.

That's why we like it so much when the father of our children cheer us on in this dept.

Which I've done consistently, to the point of repeatedly annoying @Puppy Dog Tails for rescuing.

I would say your wife has not enjoyed unconditional love in her life. Wonder if she'll get it now?

She had it. This from 2 weeks post-Bomb: I know no one will ever love me like you did. I'm under no illusions about what I'm leaving behind. But love isn't enough for me anymore.

Yet in April and in May, during the up-to-that-point worst of it, I told her, "I love you. In spite of everything that's happened, I love you. And you can't take that away from me. You can take the marriage -- you can take that. But you can't take what I feel."

Remember that? And what was the response here? Pursuing! Rescuing! Backsliding!

She's had unconditional all along.

All I can say to that SP is that if she had it, she didn't know it. And that's kinda the rub, isn't it.

So now the answer is, "No." Conditional love? Maybe. But not until she shows me something. Something besides contempt, at any rate.

How about if she showed you what her greatest fears - past and present are - showed you that she is vulnerable to your slings and arrows, as well - showed you that it matters to her, you matter to her - what you think, say, do? Is that good for anything?

she's been pulling the financial wagon in your family, and even THAT won't be honored.

You have been reading these threads, haven't you? At what point has ANYTHING she did not been honored to her? At no point.

SAYS YOU! You have been listening to her, haven't you??? Just b/c YOU think you have been .... honoring ... her contributions to the M, does not mean it resonated with her. Or that she even knew it. Or that anyone knew it. Besides you.

It's her turn now. She can GAL. She can 180. She can become the person only a fool would leave.

At this point, though, it's the same old story. She's mellow, she wigs out; she wigs out, she attacks. Like a sine wave -- up and down, up and down.

She's heavy lifting. And that doesn't always look graceful or even dignified, and certainly not measured and composed. No matter how this feels or the chaos it represents, the up and down is far and away better than 'don't make waves so this sh!t doesn't splash up in my face.' All you see is 'bat sh!t' and wigging out. Too bad. Much more there.

Greek