I've Come Full Circle #27

[mishka422]

Glad you're doing better.

Oh boy...I hear ya on the blood boiling. Once, long before the D was final (and when I was still holding on to some crazy hope) xh pulled up in front of my house to pick up our son, in the broom's car, with her sitting in the front seat while I was mowing the lawn (a chore I had NEVER done in my life until he left) and sweating like a darned horse. It took every ounce of strength to not pick up the danged lawnmower and hurl it through the windsield.

Chattanooga? Why? Of course, that is only 2 hours from me so we could visit!!!!!

[kat727]

We sure could. I might be closer to a lot of people. Oh well just a dream right now.

Just saw an e-mail that ex sent me on friday here at work. He has told me he would pay part of the medical for the kids Dr visit with the specailist. Now he say he is trying to save what little he has to take the boys to the KU football game(they went Saturday). Fine but he still owes me nearly $300 in alimony for September (plus he is still $500 behind from last Septemeber)!! Good thing I am not counting on the alimony for my car payment!! Maybe things aren't financially better for him now either...

kat

PS In case you are wondering, they already garnish his wages to the max for child support. It is the alimony he has to pay on his own and they will let him get 3 months behind before they will do anything about that.

[kat727]

Strange dream but fits into where my life is. Had a terrible back ache last night so maybe that is part of what led to this.

I am getting undressed and my clothes for some reason are sticking to the wall. Instead of seeing all my flaws as I normally would, I just focus more on my face. I am looking pretty today and that thought makes me happy. Slowly my body fades away and a bright light is taking it's place. It isn't an overpowering light but a soothing one. I know I am making progressing and if I keep working on me, the light will be stronger.

I realize that this isn't about the external parts of myself that everyone can see but the inside where I have been working. The inside is what matters. My soul is beginning to peek out on a more regular basis.

End of dream.

kat

[mishka422]

That sounds like a beautiful dream kat!

I don't dream much anymore. Not sure why that is. I used to always have very vivid dreams until they turned to nightmares for about a year after the bomb and now it's turned to nothing. What the heck does that say?

[kat727]

I think I am getting to a better place. Getting more interested in spirituality and in doing so, I am seeing how even more things in life are connected to that. I have believed for a long time that what heppens in other parts of the world affect us here and vice versa but so many people I know seem to think it doesn't matter what is going on somewhere else in the world. They just can't be bothered and they don't know these people anyway.

I think dreams allow us to get all sorts of things worked out on our own. Yes sometimes they are bad and scary. Lately mine have been pretty nice. Lots of my dreams center around finding someone in my life again. the dreams feela s if they are happening and not just fuzzy images that you can barely remember. Strange but interesting stuff!

kat

[mishka422]

That sounds great kat!

[whatdidido]

I do think dreams are a way for God to speak to us. You do sound like you are getting to a more positive place. You are such a beautiful person inside and out....

[kat727]

Thanks you are making me blush! Working on believing that more myself. Getting a smidge of grief from ex over S14's math grade. Seems he tanked a test and it brought his grade way down. I have struggled with him through this and while ex isn't placing blame, I get the feeling that he is saying if S14 was with him more this wouldn't be happening.

I know that is far from the truth since ex sucks at math and wouldn't be helping him. Just more of the same I suppose.

I still struggle at times that ex is off living with someone and yet I still am not with anyone. I know that I have taken the time to evaluate and heal but still am left wondering what is holding me back. Yes, I have been to the dating sites and really if I wanted to only attract guys old enough to be my Dad, those are the places I need to be!

I will just have to keep moving forward and keep working on me and see where I end up. But in the meantime this nut is ready to crack.

kat

[karen43]

Kat, I just listened to my messages yesterday and saw you called. Thanks so much for that!!!

Tough week again last week, but I seem to rally always thanks to you and other friends. ((((((kat))))) I'm so glad, you sound like you're doing well, and it also sounds like X's fantasy of life after D isn't quite holding up....

[kat727]

I try to be there especially when I know you have had a hard day. I know you are busy with the play but I don't want you to think that you aren't in my thoughts.

kat