SP, you should NOT have to deal w/these non-stop temper tantrums. You should NOT have to be analyzing the hell out of them when they happen. You should NOT feel bad about not rescuing her from them now.
She may just need to go through it to get it, but find your calm. Find your mellow. Stay away as much as you can, and let her just have them, alone. Only then can she be helped, if she wants it, and if you want to.
PS - It IS your business what the kids are being fed when they're with her, and when you're asked to watch them at her place. Drive through, junk food shoving mealtimes are awful. They need stability.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
