The Thread With No Home

[mockers2]

Hi Jackie ((((Jackie)))

Just a few thoughts -

It does hurt so much to see your H be kind and loving with the children and then be unkind to you. I found that this was really hard to deal with. I wanted him to continue to be loving to the children - absolutely, but the contrast with the two behaviors right next to each other was very painful. Try as hard as you can to depersonalize the "Eeyore" behavior.

It sounds like your H is feeling so guilty. His behavior around you family seems to fit this. My H wouldn't talk to my father on the phone until very recently. I think this is b/c it made him feel too unconfortable.

Try not to focus on the "false hope" comments. My H said this over and over and over. Try to put some space between what he does/says and your peace. This is tremendously hard, but it helps not to be swinging from one extreme to the other emotionally.

As far as telling the parents - you are absolutely right to decide when/if you tell yours. Your H should be able to understand this, but right now he may not be able to. Maybe say calmly as you did that you will decide when your parents should know, and that you'd appreciate it if he and his family cold respect this.

Maybe leave off the "I want to put off their suffering for as long as possible" types of comments if the subject comes up again? It just sounds a little like you're saying you think there's no hope. That may be what you are feeling, but maybe try to portray a neutral postition - not with words, but in attitude - like "This is hard, but I'll be OK. I feel there is work to do in this R, but feel it is far from being over. I am willing to give you this time to think things through. This time away will also give me some time to think and work on goals for myself." Sounds kind of weird when I read it, but thinking along these lines helps me alot. Maybe some of it will be helpful.

He even listed a buch of ways that he was proud of my actions.

and

I still find you desirable.

IMHO, these are small positives, Jackie.


I'll be thinking of you this w/e. It will be tough in some ways, I'm sure, but you are showing your strength by going. And you and the boys will have fun. Be careful and let us here from you when you get back. ((((Jackie))))

This part is so hard, but you are doing a tremendous job of staying steady. Hang in there.