Your wife is in life altering pain. She shows this to you. You come back with 'she's on the crazy train.' So this is how you deal with someone who is sad and scared? You call them crazy? Cold shot, SP.
I can so relate to where your wife is. I can tell you from my experience that at some point, there is no more room to stuff anything - it all comes out and up and spews everywhere and keeping it inside where it hurts like a big dog just isn't an option. All Edit Buttons are deactivated. It's almost involuntary b/c believe me, I'll bet she wishes she didn't have to tell YOU of all people that she wishes she had the kind of attention you are giving Miss Someone. But there is no holding it in anymore.
Her fears are: 1. Have lots of "love-making" with Miss Someone, during which we laugh about WAW;
~~~Maybe you are crappy in bed, SP. Sounds to me like she's not too sure of herself in that dept., too.
2. Introduce Miss Someone to the children, marry her, and move the entire family to Famous Asian City;
~~~You've often said that she is admittedly not the Soccer Mom type. No matter how accomplished we women are in our occupations, feeling like we're failing as mothers will sink our ship. And yeah, we do imagine everyone else is doing it better than us. That's why we like it so much when the father of our children cheer us on in this dept.
3. Trick WAW into having sex with me so that I can "toss her away" and get my revenge;
~~~She surely does seem to know that she has done wrong and expects you to punish her. So what was her mother like? If I had to guess, I would say your wife has not enjoyed unconditional love in her life. Wonder if she'll get it now?
4. Tell the children that she is a bad mother and that BMCFriend is much better; and
~~~ See #2
5. Take all of her money and force her to be homeless.
~~~ 'Cuz she's been pulling the financial wagon in your family, and even THAT won't be honored.
So her mother dies. You confess to not being there for her. The pain and loss she experienced then is on par with what she is dealing with now. Instead of calling your wife batshit crazy, consider being there for her this time. Even though she spit on you. Even though the A. Even though you're pissed, too. Even though whatever. Either love that woman unconditionally or tell her "It's over. Period. End of sentence. Good bye."
Gulp. Greek
Love your partner "unconditionally".
But is that possible for anyone?
Greek in your own situation, were you able to accept your spouse as is and love him unconditionally or did you walk away from your marriage until your spouse showed the kind of changes you needed to be able to love him again.
Did SP's wife love him unconditionally despite all his faults?
"Yeah but..."
There it is, the big ol' BUT!
We can toot that "unconditional love" horn but love is largely conditional, I know it's hard for everyone to admit this but I think admitting this to be the truth is what frees you from your current actions & expectations from your partner.
