I haven't posted in awhile but here is my update in a nutshell. We're separated. OW is no longer in picture (I know for a fact because I was in contact with OW H). H is still in a bit of a fog. I've been a DB'ing, Gal'ing fool. So much so that H has called me Sweetie twice this week (and not by my first name like he has been) and I even got my first random late evening phone call since before DDAY.
Anyway, I am totally stumped as to what to do. Our 10 year anniversary is next Saturday. I am thinking about having our d's have their 1st overnight sleepover alone ever at Grandma's- huge 180 for me. I will have the night free of kids. But, I don't know if I should acknowledge the anniversary. Do I bring it up that I don't have plans? Do I make plans alone? Any advice?
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Thanks for replying Buttercup. Well, I knew the old H, this new H I'm never too sure on what to expect. We have not been out as a couple since before DDay. The last conversation we had about our relationship was H saying he wasn't sure if he wanted a divorce or not. We're definitely not in reconciling mode.
By the way, are you a Princess Bride fan?
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Anyway, I am totally stumped as to what to do. Our 10 year anniversary is next Saturday.
Ourch, that's a tough one. We were still together in April for our last anniversary and we just went to lunch as a family -- and she didn't even want to do that because we'd already decided to split up.
Next April? I'm going to Florida for my birthday and I'm taking my girls. For the anniversary? I hope to have a much clearer picture of where we are going by then -- either down the D path or towards reconciliation.
If it's down the D path I just might take a trip and get away. At this moment, I wouldn't want to be in the same state.
For your own self esteem, I'd say plan on doing nothing together and then if the other reaches out be receptive.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You are so right. I'm a fool to think something miraculous is going to happen within the next week. I'm going to drop the kids off and have some tentative plans. I just rsvp'd to a Passion Party through a new group I joined via meetup.com. Nothing like having sex talk with a bunch of strangers when you husband has left you. I must be a glutton for punishment. Yowsers. I just don't want to go out with my friends (most are mutual friends) on my 10th anniversary as weird as that sounds.
If he invites me to do something then it will be a pleasant surprise. If not, I will have something to do so I won't sit home and drown my sorrows into a bottle of vino! Although, I will leave that option open, ha.
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Our 13th anniversary was in July. H invited me to dinner. At first, I said yes - that will be strange but sure why not. Then I though about it and talked to my IC about it. She said I would be heartbroken to go out and "celebrate" a marriage that was nothing more than a piece of paper at this point. OUCH. So I decided not to go out with him. Instead, a friend gave me a spa day and I did that (and then cried very loudly at my mom's house for about an hour). Nevertheless, I think had I gone with him it would have been BIG OLE FALSE HOPE CITY had we had a good time and VERY VERY BAD had we not had a good time.
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
Try to make some fun plans with girlfriend(s) that won't remind you of your sitch. I don't know that I would have been able to handle a Passion Party in the early days. I spent my birthday with BF right after the bomb and I regret it because it totally ruined the day for me.
If it's important to you to recognize the day then go ahead and get a card. But don't do it if you just feel like you should recognize it. It's not bad at all to let the day pass unacknowledged.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks PH. I still don't know what my evening plans are going to be but I'm going to do something, the party thing is always a backup plan.
I think I'm going to pass on the card. I really can't even envision myself picking one out without making a mockery out of it all.
I have to share a funny story. Today during the car ride on a family day outing, I asked H if he told his coworkers that he were separated. He says, "some know, some don't. It's all on a need to know basis. I learned a long time ago to keep my personal life and work life separate". I laughed out loud and said, "that's funny!". I just couldn't hold back. H had a PA with the company hired interpreter on his business trip in June. THAT is why we are in this mess. What a [censored] idiot. Anyway, he says to me, "Don't start". All I could say was, "come on, you have to admit, that was funny." I didn't get a reply.
So not DB'ing but man, I couldn't hold back.
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
hi Lu, wanted to offer my support. Dont really have much advice differnt than what others have said.
I did laugh my head off at your convo with your H in the Car. i prob wouldnt have been able to hold back either. And no, it isnt DBing, but we all slip once in a while.
Go out with friends on ur aniv. Have fun and do something for you and you alone.
