Still mad. And today I didn't look at traffic waiting for his drive-by. Didn't see him, don't know if he saw me.
I think I'll have to text him about the receipts. It probably won't be a friendly text. It might start with a WTF!
And I still hate his ugly car also. Previous to our breakup, I was going to buy him one when my car payments finished, which will be next month. I suppose I'm lucky he's gone before I did something like that! I'm saving for a down payment on property now and looking out for myself. Even he has a much fatter bank account than I, I had wanted to spoil him. He built out my new store 2 yrs ago and I wanted to compensate him for that with a huge treat. He doesn't even know I'd planned that surprise. He's allergic to spending money - something I needed to become also.
Just before I got the cat that broke the camel's back, I bought him a big flat screen HDTV. I knew the cat was going to be a problem & wanted to sweeten him up a bit first. Also I felt it compensated him a little for the work he did in my store should we part households. I didn't anticipate a total breakdown of the relationship, but I was aware that he may move out over it. I did it anyway. I have to remind myself I was at the end of my rope over his crankiness during his illness. I brought about the course of events and didn't say anything or do anything to stop it from happening at the time. Accepting my responsibility, I am confused by my emotional reaction to the fall out. I didn't expect it to be so painful. Well I certainly didn't expect it to be permanent either. I thought I could manipulate the situation to my advantage. I never thought he'd cut the rope and move on. In my plan, he would move. Miss me, regret treating me rough. Want to see me. We'd heal our problems and carry on a happy relationship from 2 nearby households. It surely didn't go as planned! That's my lesson in assuming I had any control over another person. Regardless, I knew I was going to cause harm by getting the cat. And I still got the cat. {The cat is lovely, btw} So why do I have so much trouble dealing with the consequence? Why am I so hurt that he can easily walk away, even when I caused it?
Just floating thoughts.
Still mad at him today and somehow that feels good. Maybe it will burn away some of the emotion. In fact, maybe that's what he experienced early in the split and that helped him. If that's the case.... wouldn't it make sense that he would have to come back to the other side of this? If he were angry first- then doesn't he still have to go through the other emotional side of this? Regret, loneliness, missing me? Isn't all this part of the experience of a breakup? Or is it all burned away by anger and then you don't have to face the rest? Maybe I should have just allowed myself the anger from the beginning. It certainly feels more empowering.