Jackie, don't beat yourself up with trying a different approach. You tried a 180 and it didn't work. That's all and it doesn't mean the theory is invalid either. It just means a different approach will be needed. One of the reasons, it didn't work is because the message was conveyed with words. If he is convinced is not needed by the family, telling him is not going to change his mind.
What action oriented 180's will show him that he is genuinely needed? This is not an easy one to execute as it requires seizing times only when the oppurtunity presents itself. Any more frequent than that and it will come off as being phony. Another words, when H's help can really be of assistance, like with an emergency situation with the kids or the home, don't hesitate to reach out and ask him for help.
Otherwise, he is gonna have to come to terms with his misconceptions on his own...
