Continuing to try to focus more on me and things I can do..."the courage to change what I can" and that's mostly changing me. Taking more responsibility for things I should and taking more responsibility for making myself happy.
My high point for the day...the person that hired me for my new job told me I have been invaluable there, in front of the "big" boss.
Last night I was doing some housework, etc...and H jumped in to help..which then meant it turned in to a big production and arguing with the kids and on and on. Nothing is ever simple around H. A fight exploded between him and S12...I was sort of holding my breath...I mean, they're both looking at me, like who's right?? Both with that look in their eyes, like..see??? See what he's doing??? Back me up!! And really...they were both kind of right.
Meanwhile I'm in the middle...in the unwinnable spot. I walked in the bedroom...H followed me...I started by agreeing with him, that he was right..but that he could at least listen to what S12 was saying. He said but HE has a track record for doing XYZ. I said, and he has a track record for not feeling heard. Well, H said he doesn't care about that. I said ALL HE WANTS is to be heard. Yes, he should do what you said, he should do it without arguing about it, but he just wants you to give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to him for 15 seconds without talking over him and telling him he's "MAKING EXCUSES" when you don't even knowwhat he said.
So we had the usual thing about how H should just give commands, and everyone should say yessir and do it without saying a word, and they should do it without him saying anything in the first place, and they should be HAPPY about it and be smiling and cheerful, and should just clean the house and their room naturally. I said well it isn't natural. They have to be taught. But maybe we can teach them without all this anger.
Then I had to talk to S12, and he does always have something to say about everything (hmmm...) and I tried to explain what his dad was saying to him that he couldn't "hear" since his dad was just yelling and criticizing.
Then H apologized to S12 first...and said he is trying to learn how to be more patient and that it was going to take time and he couldn't do it overnight. He told him he loved him and S12 was getting older, and he didn't want to lose him, he wanted him to feel good about his home and his dad.
Then, he looked at me, and said sincerely, thanks for being the mediator in that situation. I was like...in shock. Because I think that's the first time he didn't seem to think I was taking sides when I was trying to actually...mediate. Then S12 asked if he could talk to his dad in private. So off they went.
Later I asked what that was about, and it turned out to be some questions S12 had about "the big change" (puberty)...so after all this drama, he then went in and had this father-son talk...so whatever was going on in S12's head, he obviously felt a lot of trust afterward.
So, it worked out. Of course, all I ever wanted to do was vacuum, and this stuff is exhausting. Any simple action can turn into a gigantic snowball of doom! So I have to spend my "off" time (away from them) doing things that rejuvenate the spirit. Which is what I am going to do now...
