Do not blame yourself for being independent, Jackie. He was not there for you when you needed him and you had to learn to cope on your own. If men never left needy women, half the threads in this BB would be gone. Your actions may have contributed to tangle his mental mess, but they neither caused it nor can they be used to justify it.

You will need to let your H know that you need him, but I do not think this is the right time. He needs to learn what he wants first, and miss you. Then, you can show your need. Right now it would only add another layer of guilt to his mental cake (guilt fudge, anyone?).

As to your kids, the ideal thing would be to sit both of you with them and calmly tell them that Dad is going through a tough time and needs to go away for a while to think things over. Reassure them clearly that you both love them dearly and will always be there for them. That nothing of this is their fault and you will always be their father and mother. Make them understand that things will change as little as possible for them.

If your H does not want to do that (and be warned, mine did not), you will have to tell them yourself. Do not lie but do not blame your H or show bitterness: they would feel pressured to chose between you two.

And remember, your children will reflect YOU. If you are calm, collected and 'happy' they will be relatively content. If they see you in pieces, they will be scared and nervous.

A tall order, is it not? But I have faith you can and will do it. Even if it is bacause you must

"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little" Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"