New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

Journaling.

I'm on the road traveling out of state on TDY. I'll have 4 extra days leave after my meetings. I called my W this evening while I was driving. I chit chated a bit, asked how the boys were doing. She told me one of them wasn't feeling good today. I got to talk with our youngest one. I talked with my W again and asked her if it was OK for me to drive up and link up with the boys. It would only be about 300 miles instead of 900 miles from CO. My W wasn't angry or anything. She said it wouldn't be a good idea.

I asked her why. She said it wouldn't be good to stop by on school days...would disrupt their school day routine...It got me asking myself in my mind "WHY???" I thought I wasn't asking for much. I even said I'd like to watch them during their after school practice activities etc...even for an hour. My W said she'd rather not have me drive up.

I admit I was boiling inside. But I stuck to DBing and just said "OK, if you change your mind, just call me, no problem I'll be in (city) til TUE". I ended the converstion by adding " Thanks Hon, Bye". I know I slipped with the "Hon" part. Just came out instictively. Oh, well. Just my usual way to address her when we were still together. I guess it wasn't too bad.

I think I kept it together even if I really didn't understand my W's negative response. I know by experience that my boys have a hard time after I see them. They turn very emotional, understandably so. I'd like to think that my W wouldn't ask me to NOT come because she wants to be mean. I just rationalized her reply by thinking that she doesn't want to see the boys all emotional because of my visit on a regular school day. Maybe she is the one who has a hard time watching the boys torn each time I say goodbye.

In any case, I did well this evening. I believe every phone conversation with my W is a test, and it's another opportunity for me to show the "new me" albeit over the phone...I wonder if my W notices that I don't argue over much anymore, maybe too accomodating. I always think that my W may be bracing for an argument/confrontation over the phone. But I never get drawn into it. Haven't done so for the past 6 months. I just rationalized but thinking that my W was testing me again tonight...wanted to see how consistent my changes were. Anyway, I'm speculating.

One thing for sure though: I know my changes are consistent and long-lasting. I did well tonight. Some may disagree, but I did well.

JR